I recently transferred my membership to a new church. Even though I have been going there on and off for years, I feel awkward all over again, learning how things operate.

I am always five minutes late for services. My former church is five blocks from my house. The new church is ten blocks from my house. I think I am still operating on my old system of when to leave, regardless of the extra driving time. Recently, I commented on it to the pastor's wife. She told me not to feel bad, because she was also five minutes late every week, and blamed it on her nine year old son, until she realized that the church clock is set five minutes fast. Now that I know this ... I am still always five minutes late.

My new church is set up in such a way that, when you walk in, you have no idea of which seats are free, and no inconspicuous way of finding out. I tend to automatically go up to the balcony. Most of time there are other people up there, and if there aren't, I can easily spot a seat below. Today, as I walked in, the usher greeted me by saying, "Going up?". I wanted to reply, "I sure hope so ... That's why I'm here!".

My biggest problem seems to be communion. The prospect of being first in line terrifies me, and I am always hoping that I am doing things "the right way". I have to say that I liked communion at my old church better, because there was a communion rail all around the sanctuary. At this one, there are rails along the sides, but they also have you kneel along the front. I feel a bit too "out there" for my own comfort when I'm in the front. Also, I always seem to kneel down so that the edge of the stairs is digging right under my kneecaps, which, as you might guess, isn't the best feeling.

This morning, as the woman next to me was kneeling down, I noticed that she kneeled a lot further onto the step than I usually do. I decided to follow suit, in an effort to be more comfortable, chastising myself for not realizing such a simple and obvious solution to my problem earlier. However, I failed to take into account the fact that this woman is taller than me and has much longer legs, and the step I was kneeling on is at a level necessary for climbing rather than kneeling. As my feet lost all contact with the floor, I realized that I had made a tragic and embarrassing miscalculation. With my legs at a 90 degree angle, and nothing but air behind me and in front of me, I wiggled my toes and realized that I had absolutely no idea how I was going to get up again.

Did I manage to stand up gracefully?

"Yes, with the help of God."