This cartoon appeared in The Star Phoenix on December 26th.

Things that make you go "hmmmmm ...".

(Which is more than I can usually say for 9 Chickweed Lane ...!)

I saw this new preview for Spiderman 3 tonight at the Galaxy.

It looks so good ... I can hardly wait until May 4th!

Hark! The carols that you sing,
May just have a different ring.

The words to "Joy To the World" as I know them are:

Joy to the earth, the Savious reigns,
Let men their songs employ!
While fields and floods, rocks, hills, and plains
Repeat the sounding joy!
Repeat the sounding joy!
Repeat, repeat, the sounding joy!

However, what was printed in my church bulliten this Christmas Eve was:

Let all their songs employ

Later on in the service, we sang "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing", but instead of singing:

Hail the heav'n born Prince of Peace!
Hail the Son of righteousness!
Light and life to all he brings, Ris'n with healing in his wings.
Mild he lays his glory by! Born that man no more may die!
Born to raise the sons of Earth! Born to give them second birth!

Hark! The herald angels sing,
"Glory to the newborn King!"

the lyrics had been changed to:

Mild he lays his glory by! Born that we no more may die!
Born to raise each child of earth! Born to give us second birth!

I appreciate the thought, but as a member of the half of society that they are trying not to offend through the use of gender neutral language, I don't consider the changes necessary. In fact, I would prefer the lyrics not be altered.

I might be in the minority here, but at no time in my life did I ever think to myself, "Sure ... 'God rest ye merry gentlemen' ... but what are we ladies supposed to do? Continue to dismay?".

With new words,
Old tunes proclaim:
Traditions don't just stay the same.
Hark! The carols that you sing
May show some signs of tinkering.

What's wrong with this picture?

This mosque-shaped alarm clock plays the 'azan' (Muslim call to prayer). Muslims observe their formal prayers at the following five times a day:

Fajr (pre-dawn): This prayer starts off the day with the remembrance of God; it is performed before sunrise.

Dhuhr (noon): After the day's work has begun, one breaks shortly after noon to again remember God and seek His guidance.

'Asr (afternoon): In the late afternoon, people are usually busy wrapping up the day's work, getting kids home from school, etc. It is an important time to take a few minutes to remember God and the greater meaning of our lives.

Maghrib (sunset): Just after the sun goes down, Muslims remember God again as the day begins to come to a close.

'Isha (evening): Before retiring for the night, Muslims again take time to remember God's presence, guidance, mercy, and forgiveness.

However ... if you are Muslim, why do you need to "order now for Xmas"???

Click here to order your own!

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas!!!

This Christmas, you can track Santa's progress with the help of NORAD (North American Air Defense Command).

(Back in the day, we had to listen for sleigh bells and hooves on the roof!)

Send personalized festive greetings to your family and friends at www.elfyourself.com ...

Click here to view mine!

My brother Steven sent me the link to this parody music video, performed by SNL guest host Justin Timberlake and cast member Andy Sandberg, in the style of Color Me Badd. The ladies are played by Maya Rudolph and Kristin Wigg. Not for kids, but I was practically rolling off my chair!!!



Natasha pointed out one bad thing about it in her comment - it is very catchy. It's not a "Christmas" song you want to be singing in mixed company! I found myself belting it out yesterday while baking cookies for church!!!

"Good Priest, Bad Priest"

I love Christmas music. I have approximately 30 Christmas albums, which seems like a lot until you remember that I am listening to them from Remembrance Day to Ukrainian New Years. The holidays are not a happy time for everyone, so every so often, you come across some "Christmas hurtin' music".

One such song is "Hard Candy Christmas" by Dolly Parton. This song makes "Blue Christmas" look like "Jingle Bells". It is from The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas, but also appears on a Christmas album by Kenny Rogers and Dolly. In the song, Dolly weighs her options for the festive season, such as "dye my hair", "learn to sew", "count the stars until the dawn", or "just get drunk on apple wine", but keeps on reaffirming:

Me, I'll be just
Fine and dandy
Lord, it's like a hard candy Christmas
I'm barely getting through tomorrow
But still I won't let
Sorrow bring me way down

The best part of this song comes at the very end, where Dolly forlornly and quietly whispers, "Oh, I'll be fine ...".

I'm not exactly sure what a "hard candy Christmas" is, but I assume it dates back to Dolly's days in the mountains of Tennessee. I'm guessing that all they could afford or would get as a gift during the lean years would be hard candy, because it is inexpensive. I always think of this song in connection to the time I dyed my hand brown in the Sponge Toffee-Making Incident of Christmas 2003.

Another song often found on contemporary Christmas albums is "Baby, It's Cold Outside". This song seems to have less to do with Christmas than it does with date rape:

The neighbors might think ...
Baby, it's bad out there!
Say, what's in this drink?
No cabs to be had out there.
I wish I knew how
Your eyes are like starlight now.
To break this spell!
I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell!
I ought to say no, no, no, sir.
Mind if I move a little closer?
At least I'm gonna say that I tried.
What's the sense in hurting my pride?
I really can't stay.
Baby, don't hold out!
Ahh, but it's cold outside!

"Please Come Home For Christmas" is about a friendless man whose girlfriend has deserted him at the holidays:

Bells will be ringing
The glad, glad news
Oh, what a Christmas
To have the blues
My baby's gone
I have no friends
To wish me greetings
Once again

He sure doesn't mince words, does he? I don't know why no one wants to come over to his house for Christmas ...

Choirs will be singing
"Silent Night"
Christmas carols
By candlelight
Please, come home for Christmas
Please, come home for Christmas
If not for Christmas
Then by New Year's Night

He should have added a little GHB to her eggnog, like the other guy did!

My favorite Christmas song, "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas", sometimes falls into this category. I like it because, if you are in an upbeat mood, it affirms that life, and Christmas, are great:

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Let your heart be light
From now on,
our troubles will be out of sight

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Make the Yuletide gay,
From now on,
our troubles will be miles away.

However, if you are in a depressed mood, it takes on a note of sarcastic and cruel irony:

Here we are as in olden days,
Happy golden days of yore.
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more.

Through the years
We all will be together,
If the Fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough.
And have yourself a merry little Christmas now.

Right now, I am housesitting for my friend's parents on an acreage, while the whole family takes a vacation prior to Christmas. Part of my daily duties is to feed their four horses by pitching hay to them. Although I grew up on a farm, this is new to me, because we did not have horses.

Before the family left, I went out to the acreage for an evening to get instructions as to the amount of feed and the feeding schedule for all the animals. I was told to feed the horses four large, or eight less large forkfuls of hay twice daily, but that too much is better than not enough. They also cautioned that if the horses are underfed, or fed late, they may decide to make a break for it, so to err on the side of generousity when feeding them. I certainly did not want to have to deal with that occuring, so I made a mental note of how high the hay measured against the fence, and how big the forkfuls were, so I could be sure to keep the horses happy.

Right after dropping my friend off at the airport, I hurried out to the acreage to feed the horses before I had to be at work. I began pitching the hay, but decided that, instead of counting how much I thought I had thrown over, I should see how it was stacking up, and estimate the amount that way.

One ... two ... three ... four.

I was only half done, contrary to what I had orginally thought. I pitched hay for awhile longer, and counted again.

One ... two ... three ... four ... and a half.

I went back to the bale, thinking four huge forkfuls must be much more huge than I thought.

It wasn't until my third count came up to only five or six that I realized that some errors may have occurred due to the fact that, while I was pitching the hay, the horses were simultaneously eating it!!!

After that, I started to measure it out into four piles before I pitched it over the fence, but halfway through the ten days, I discovered that I was going through the bale much too fast. I guess "large" is in the eye of the beholder.

At least the horses were happy ... to break the fence down anyway on almost a daily basis.

Tonight was the Christmas pageant at my church. The finale was a song called "Go Light Your World". My class, grade 7 & 8, prepared candles as favors for everyone to take home. The candles had tags with a verse and chorus of the song, as well as the Bible verse Mark 5:14-16.

"You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp, and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. Let your light so shine before others that they will see your good works, and glorify your Father in Heaven".

This is the song and power point demonstration that was used.

To send a Christmas card to a Canadian Forces Soldier this year, address it:

To Any Soldier
TF Afghanistan
Box 5058, Stn. Forces
Belleville, ON
K8N 5W6

CHRISTIAN PICK-UP LINES

• Nice Bible.
• I would like to pray with you.
• You know Jesus? Me, too!
• God told me to come talk to you.
• I know a church where we could go and talk.
• How about a hug, sister?
• Do you need help carrying your Bible? It looks heavy.
• Christians don't shake hands. Christians gotta hug.
• Oh, you're cold? Ecclesiastes 4:11 says "Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone?".
• Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?
• What are your plans for tonight? Feel like a Bible study?
• I am here for you.
• The Word says "Give drink to those who are thirsty, and feed the hungry". How about dinner?
• You don't have an accountability partner? Me neither.
• Do you want to come over and watch The Ten Commandments tonight?
• Is it a sin that you stole my heart?
• Would you happen to know a Christian woman (man) that I could love with all my heart and wait on hand and foot?
• Nice bracelet. Who would Jesus date?
• Do you believe in Divine appointment?
• Have you ever tried praying at a drive-in movie before?
• Excuse me, I believe one of your ribs belongs to me.
• My friend told me to come and meet you. He said that you're a really nice person. I think you know Him: Jesus?
• You know they say that you have never really dated until you have dated a Christian.
• Yeah, I predicted David over Goliath.

One song that has always bugged me is "The Leader of the Pack" by The Shangrilas.

In case you haven't heard this song before, Jimmy, also known as "The Leader of the Pack", is a motorcycle-riding boy from the "wrong side of town". Betty, the narrator of the story, is Jimmy's cowardly, weak-willed girlfriend.

The premise of the song is that Betty falls in love with Jimmy at the candy store. Betty later dumps Jimmy when her parents object to their relationship. This inadvertantly causes Jimmy to have a fatal, and possibly deliberate, motorcycle accident.

One day my dad said, "Find someone new".
I had to tell my Jimmy "We're through".

What has suddenly changed? Just a few lines earlier, Betty was saying:

My folks were always putting him down (down! down!)
They said he came from the wrong side of town
They told me he was bad
But I knew he was sad
That's why I fell for
The leader of the pack.

If you really love Jimmy, when your dad says, "Find someone new", you don't say, "We're through".

You say, "Pick me up at the library from now on, Jimmy".

Nevertheless, at least give poor Jimmy the courtesy of an explanation:

He stood there and asked me why
But all I could do was cry.

Really?

Here's a radical idea!

"I'm sorry, Jimmy, but my dad said, 'Find someone new'".

Of course, instead of telling Jimmy, "It's not you; it's me", Betty lets the poor guy think the worst, and Jimmy rides his motorcycle away at top speed in the rain to that big candy store in the sky.

After the fact, Betty has the audacity to walk around school wearing Jimmy's ring, crying, and lamenting:

I felt so helpless, what could I do?
Remembering all the things we'd been through

If only there had been some way of preventing this senseless tragedy ...

I'll never forget him
The leader of the pack ...

Click here to vote in the RELEVANT magazine office door decorating contest, and determine the fate of people who you will never know. Their theme this year is "A Very 80s Christmas" (a little hint to the right as to who I voted for!!!).

1st Place: An Xbox 360
2nd Place: A Nikon Coolpix digital camera
3rd Place: A iPod Shuffle

The winners will be announced at their staff Christmas party on Friday, December 15th. Polls will close at noon that day.

This is a Saturday Night Live "TV Funhouse" cartoon from Christmas 2005.

It not very politically correct, but so cute and catchy that I can't resist!

On Monday, Conan O'Brien did a comedy piece about "NCAA Football Mascots". One of the fake mascots was the "FSU WebCam Manatee". A person in a manatee costume was shown dancing seductively, and Mark Pender from the band was shown watching the dancing on a laptop computer. Conan then ad-libbed the comment, "Pender's on HornyManatee.com".

On Tuesday, Conan reported that, after Monday's broadcast, the NBC Standards Department telephoned him about his comment. They informed Conan that if he says the name on air of a unowned website, they must legally buy that website. NBC purchased the domain name www.HornyManatee.com for $159.00 and will own it for the next ten years.

Conan decided that, since they own the site, they should also develop it. They are posting fan art as well as their own manatee photographs. The site has already received over a million hits. To send in your own manatee pictures, stories, poems, or love song lyrics write to conan@hornymanatee.com.