Natasha, Gordie, Jerome and Randee went to the Fringe Preview Night last week, and on the way out, Randee remarked to Natasha, "I want to see Nuts! and Balls!".

No, this was not a Freudian slip, although you never know with my penis ... er, my mother ... I mean, Randee.

Balls!, a product of Ten Foot Pole Productions, was written, acted in and directed by Rob Salerno. Adam Goldhamer, who also acted in this play, co-founded a production company called Purple Duck Films.

I read "Duck" wrong initially ... that was a Freudian slip.

Incidentally, the name "Goldhamer" also seemed dirty to me, even though I know it isn't. Once your mind gets on that track, it's hard to get off ...

Oh, man.

"Hard"?

"Get off"?

*sigh*

Anyway ...

Salerno and Goldhamer play Paul and 'Bastian (short for Sebastian), two life-long friends who are both diagnosed with testicular cancer over a period of several years. A woman waiting in the line up for Nuts criticized Balls! due to how statistically unlikely tecticular cancer is to happen to both of them. Testicular cancer strikes about six in 100,000 males in Canada each year.

Obviously, she has never heard of artistic licence ... or seen the prequel, Smoking Under High Tension Wires Behind the Nuclear Plant!.

According to the website, Rob Salerno was inspired to write Balls! due to losing a close friend to testicular cancer as a college student, so the play does have some basis in reality ... making the ending even tougher to take.

I'm not sure if it is because my first choice for a grad escort could not take me due to his own brush with testicular cancer a few months before age 18, the fact my current best friend is a man or because stories of friendship always "get me", but Balls! reduced me to tears. I felt like a bit of a fool being a woman ... at a play about testicular cancer ... by herself ... crying... but Balls! was definitely one of the best shows I saw at this year's Fringe.

Jeers to the jerk who forgot to turn off their cellphone, and interupted the tearful epilogue with a polyphonic version of Scott Joplin's "The Entertainer"!



(Cheers to my mom who was able to identify this piece from my off-key humming over the telephone: although, she referred to it as "The Sting". It turns out that my Great Aunt Mary Ellen had the sheet music and had been quite proud of her ability to play it.)

And as for my would-be grad escort ...



... proof that, as Salerno put it on the t-shirts he was selling after the show:

"A REAL MAN ONLY NEEDS ONE".

Nuts! Ten Commandments From the Psych Ward is comedy and performance poetry by Rob Gee, a Fringe vetern and former psychiatric nurse. This is the first show of Rob Gee's that I have seen, but I would likely return in the future to see him again.

I nearly fell of my chair laughing quite a few times. One of my favorite parts was in one of the final scenes, when Rob angrily ranted a laundry list of things that clients could do in order to get over their struggles and get out of his face ... but ended off with a sweet smile and the wish, "But don't give up: I'm really rooting for you!".

I can relate ... and wish I could get a copy!

I did find Rob's accent a bit hard to understand, especially since he speaks so rapidly at times. For example, he told us to imagine walking through the forest and seeing a "bear" and a "key". I ended up imagining a "bed" and a "king". People who don't enjoy the black humor that medical and mental health workers employ might be a bit shocked by some of the stories, but I loved them. My favorite commandement was, "Thou shalt not kill ... thyself while I'm on duty".

Unfortunately, I saw both of these shows on their last performance in Saskatoon, but I heartily recommend them to anyone from Edmonton or Vancouver, where the Fringe is headed next!

Nuts! Ten Commandments From the Psych Ward
Rob Gee
Victoria School Gym
3.5 stars out of 5

Do you think your job is crazy? Rob Gee has some stories to tell you.

The Fringe favourite returns with an all-new show: Nuts! Ten Commandments From the Psych Ward. Gee gladly recounts his career as a psychiatric nurse.

To help the audience, he smartly divides the play into 10 segments or, as he calls them, his commandments. There are rules such as, "if you're right, don't rub it in," "love thy psyche as thyself," and "do not kill thyself while on duty."

Gee recounts personal details from his career to demonstrate the need for the rules. While the anecdotes may shock and are delivered with some very colourful language, the tales are smart, stoic and increasingly funny.

There are numerous bits worth mentioning, such as how to make yourself more slapable, how telling someone to calm down always has the opposite effect, and how Gee came to heroically consider himself Psych Man.

The show is what audiences have come to expect from the Brit comic and performance poet. His words flow out fast and are punctuated with broad humour.

I did feel that Nuts, being a newer play, required some more polishing. Gee checked his watch a few more times than necessary and also referred to a bit from a previous day's show that was cut. Both of these tended to spoil the illusion of an otherwise good show.
© The StarPhoenix (Saskatoon) 2008

Balls!
Ten Foot Pole productions
Venue: Broadway Theatre
3.5 stars out of 5

You'd be nuts to miss this one. OK, half nuts.

Magnificent acting propels this play about two lifelong pals with much more in common than they'd like. Balls! weaves together adolescent humour, teary earnestness and brilliant performances to make a sensitive topic come across less like a Public Service Announcement than it might.

That said, it gets a bit preachy at times and tossing out a scrotum joke as a counterbalance only serves to underscore the pushing of the message.

Still, it's an impotent, er . . . important topic that needs to be discussed, even if it makes the men in the audience squirm.

When Paul gets testicular cancer at age 19, he and buddy Bastian embark on an uncomfortable coming-of-age journey that skewers masculinity, competition, spirituality and life's low blows.

"On the plus side," Paul discovers about having to get a testicle removed, "if you ever get kicked in the nads now, it only hurts half as much."

The emotional odyssey takes a poke at masturbation, virginity, the defectiveness of the one-ball man, the pulverizing effects of chemotherapy and radiation and the ultimate bargain with God.

"I asked that he take you instead," Paul tells Bastian.

Rob Salerno (Paul) wrote the play as a memorial to a friend who died in 2004 from testicular cancer.

Salerno and Adam Goldhamer (Bastian) should be proud of their touching testimony, but it could benefit from being a bit shorter. With about 15 minutes - and some excess mo-fo jokes - taken out of the 60-minute show, the pace would be much better. And no one would notice their smaller Balls!

© The StarPhoenix (Saskatoon) 2008