karens-cares

2010-05-01T09:42:00.002-06:00

Last night my friend asked me, "So what happened to your blog? Karen doesn't care anymore?". It's not that, but I have been really busy. I went back to school full time and I'm loving it, but the pace is pretty fast. I still think about all sorts of quirky things, but I just don't have the time to journal them.

I haven't abandoned my fans ... well, I guess that I have, but hope you understand.

HOWEVER ... here is the third "United Breaks Guitars" video!

2009-08-22T14:02:00.002-06:00

United Break Guitars ... song two.

Stay tuned for song three?

2009-08-03T22:12:00.002-06:00

Mark's brother recently got married. The day before, Mark sent me this video of another couple's dramatic entrance to the church.

I think that my favorite part is when the ushers throw their programs in the air with wild abandon ... followed closely by the groom somersaulting from the midst of the wedding party, then straightening his tie.

2009-07-19T21:11:00.002-06:00

Canadian singer Dave Carroll and his band, Sons of Maxwell, were on their way to a gig in Nebraska last year when rough handling — in plain view of the the alarmed passengers — snapped the neck off Dave's $3,500 Taylor guitar. After a year of appeals for compensation, this video was the result.

After the video received more than two million views, United Airlines offered to break its baggage loss policy and compensate Dave for his broken guitar. Carroll says he's gratified by the huge response, doesn't want money from United and hopes the airline donates it to charity. He said the attention has resulted in numerous offers to write songs and perform.

His dealings with "kind Ms. Irlweg" will be the basis of his next video: a light-hearted look at his year-long battle. The full story is here.

2009-07-13T19:39:00.005-06:00

It's time for more ... "Target Women": I love these!

2009-07-12T14:03:00.005-06:00

Prime Minister Harper said that the story above was "a low moment in journalism", "absurd", "ridiculous", "terrible" and "not based on anything". He also said, "As a Christian, I've never refused communion when offered to me. That is actually pretty important to me".

His advisors have been very insistant that of course he ate it ... although a part of me suspects it might have been after the media got ahold of this story and he located it again in his suit pocket! There are about 13 million Catholics in Canada, and Harper's election victory in 2006 was partly attributed to his strong showing among evangelical Protestants and church-going Catholics.

Enough said?

I am not Catholic, but communion is very meaningful to me. Lutherans don't believe in transubstantiation, but do think that Christ is "truly and substantially present in, with and under" the consecrated bread and wine.

In other words: you don't put it in your pocket to save for the car ride home.

However, when I watched this on the news, I had nothing but empathy for Stephen Harper. I come from a non-church background and have been in these types of situations many times myself. How many people throughout the ages have wandered up for communion because everyone else was getting up and they weren't quite sure where the rest of their pew was going but they thought they better follow?

BUT ... how many of them are the leader of a nation in the front row of a televised funeral service?

AND ... how many of them have had to sit down one-on-one with the Pope a week later? (No word on whether the subject came up between them!)

If Harper did do something that was not proper, I doubt he did it out of disrespect. He really was "damned" regardess (pun intended, literal meaning not!):

If he took the wafer and promptly ate it, someone would be outraged that he disrespected Christ/Catholicism by taking Catholic communion when he is not Catholic.

If he took the wafer "to be polite" and didn't eat it, someone would be outraged that he disrespected Christ by defiling His body.

If he had declined the wafer, especially without taking the blessing instead, someone probably would have been outraged that he thinks his '"sin" don't stink' and he doesn't need communion.

Canon law states that 'Catholic ministers may lawfully administer the sacraments only to Catholic members of Christ's faithful' (Canon 844). It does not specify that people may not present themselves for communion, since canon law claims jurisdiction only over Catholics, and it does not specify how a priest ought to respond if a non-Catholic presents himself or herself for Communion: it becomes a judgement call.

2009-06-28T12:49:00.002-06:00

Has this ever happened to YOU?

Well, it's happened to me ... which is probably why I think this is so cute.

I can remember telling my friend Lorie that I wished there was some sort of "Christian to English Dictionary" where I could look things up when I first started going to church. Ten years later, these phrases are a little less foreign to me ... not sure if that's good or bad!

2009-06-23T21:18:00.007-06:00

'THIS IS A TIME FOR FUN AND HOPE'
Kids with cancer unwind at Camp Circle O'Friends
By Jason Warick, Saskatchewan News Network
June 20, 2009

Darian Kerster herds a pack of giggling six and seven-year-old girls from the main camp building to their cabin.

Kerster, 19, tries to help them dress for the upcoming wiener roast, but they're more interested in goofing around. And that's just fine.

For these girls and the other 60 kids gathered this weekend on the shores of Lake Diefenbaker, it's time to unwind. It's time to forget about radiation and chemotherapy and hospitals and surgeries. It's time to be a kid.

"It's a great place to just get away," said Kerster, one of the 58 weekend volunteers for Camp Circle O'Friends.

"We try to keep them busy with activities to keep their minds off of it. We want them to not go there mentally."

Inside the cabin, the girls are clamouring for Kerster's attention. She helps one attach a "friendship pin" to her necklace as the others continue giggling.

The annual, four-day camp is for children with cancer as well as their siblings. Now in its 23rd year, there are also a few campers whose parents have died of the disease.

Kerster knows what the kids are going through. She first came at age six. She'd just endured rounds of radiation and chemotherapy to combat her rhabdomyosarcoma, a rare form of connective tissue cancer. Kerster also had surgery to remove the severely enlarged lymph nodes in her neck.

"It was massive. You could see it by looking in my ear," she said.

After that first weekend, Kerster was hooked. She returned every year. Now Kerster is helping the younger ones, returning as a volunteer leader and role model.

"I used to tell my mom it was better than Christmas," she said.

"I am so excited to help these campers. You know you are normal here."

After registration, campers participated in the Olympic afternoon, which included events such as cookie stacking. At dinner that evening, some of the kids wore their gold, silver and bronze cookie medals around their necks. The meal was punctuated by cheers and friendly taunts among rival groups.

"There ain't no flies on us," yelled a table full of 10-year-olds.

"There may be flies on some of you guys, but there ain't no flies on us."

With the meal complete, the younger boys rush down to the waterfront to build sand castles and kick a giant inflated baseball. Some of the boys with low energy, breathing troubles or mobility issues are ferried there in a golf cart. Everyone gets in on the fun.

"I'm gonna get muuuud on you!" said one youngster.

"Ahhhh!" came the replies as they scattered.

The weekend will include horseback riding, crafts, a visit to the petting zoo, water-skiing and a group obstacle course. The campers also write poetry and produce a daily newsletter and podcast.

Campers can never completely get away from the issue that unites them. A volunteer doctor and nurses are on hand to monitor the kids and distribute the numerous medications housed in the "med shed."

And at some point during the weekend -- maybe in front of the campfire or during a meal -- they'll have a small ceremony to list the names of friends and fellow campers who have died in the past year.

"No one forgets about them, but we try not to dwell on it," said 17-year-old Kinzie Murray.

Murray has been coming to the camp for nine years, ever since her brother died of neuroblastoma.

When the camp began 23 years ago, organizers scheduled several "talking" sessions so kids could vent or discuss their cancer.

"That idea soon went out the window. We don't discuss it. This is a time for fun and hope," said psychologist Karen Wright, one of the original organizers who's attended every camp.

"These kids often have to live in a bubble with their cancer diagnosis. This is about giving them a normal camping experience."

Camp Circle O'Friends, the brainchild of oncology nurse Ann Schulman, is financed by donors, from individuals donating $10 to large sums from groups such as the Canadian Progress Club - Regina Centre. Buses from Regina and Saskatoon bring the children to the camp, located about 120 kilometres south of Saskatoon.

Darian Kerster has just completed her first year of studies at the University of Regina, and hopes to become an elementary school teacher.

There's been no sign of her cancer for several years, but it still weighs heavily on her. There are annual rounds of blood tests and other medical evaluations.

"I try to be aware of any changes to be safe, not sorry. But I also try not to overdo it," she said.

"That's why I love it here."

© Copyright (c) The StarPhoenix

2009-05-20T20:39:00.004-06:00

The newest online time waster ... Awkward Family Photos!!!

Say "CHEESY"!

2009-05-19T07:03:00.002-06:00

This clip is from the beginning of Morgan Spurlock's movie, Where In the World is Osama Bin Laden?. I love their special 'moves': "Redneck Power", "Turban Power", "Moustache Ride" and "Rain of Terror".

I found out this morning that FX has cancelled 30 Days: I hope they still release the final season on DVD.

2009-05-16T17:03:00.003-06:00

I found out about these new Evangelical Lutheran Church of American ads through my youth Sunday school curriculum:

Read the story behind the ad.

Read the story behind the ad.

2009-05-09T16:12:00.004-06:00

TEN REASONS WHY GAY MARRIAGE IS WRONG

Being gay is not natural. Real people always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Brittany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.

Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in the world.

Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

2009-05-06T16:01:00.004-06:00

Today, as I searched Facebook, I got this message:

Make sure all words are spelt correctly.

"Speak for yourself!" I thought.

Once a farm girl, always a farm girl ...

spelt: a wheat, Triticum aestivum spelta, native to southern Europe and western Asia, used chiefly for livestock feed

However, I learned that the verb "spell" has two acceptable forms of the past participle in both American and British English: the irregular form ("spelt") is supposedly more common in British English and the regular form ("spelled") is more common to American English ... although, not for me.

2009-05-01T09:36:00.004-06:00

Some of you might remember my post of Christian Pick-up Lines several years ago. Apparently, if I plan to enter seminary, I need to step up my game.

I recently received the list below:

Nice Bible.

Is this pew taken?

I just don't feel called to celibacy.

For you I would slay two Goliaths.

I would go through more than Job for you.

You are perfect, except with all the sin.

When Moses struck the rock, water flowed from it like a river: I promise I will never strike you.

You are so unblemished that I would sacrifice you.

What, this here? Oh ... that's my Study Bible. It's a little bigger, but I can handle the extra spiritual and physical weight.

Shall we tithe?

At points in my life I have been referred to as Samson.

The word says 'Give drink to those who are thirsty, and feed the hungry'; how about dinner?

I didn't believe in predestination until tonight.

I'm not like those other Christ Church guys.

I believe one of my ribs belongs to you?

I went on a mission, but all I ended up doing was mission' you.

I can be your Boaz.

My spiritual gift is my good looks: it lifts people's spirits.

I sacrifice my Sunday mornings to look after the nursery. It's tough ... but I love children.

Is this the transfiguration ... because you are glowing!

I have a job and I'm willing to move out of home.

Mark Driscoll takes up 35% of my Ipod memory.

I would work seven years for your sister ... but I would work seven more years for you.

Hey good looking: Ecclesiastes 4:11!

I often throw clothes into the samaritan bin.

Bible Gateway happens to be my homepage.

Marry me.

Can I buy you a non-alcoholic beverage?

I have many sponsor children: one in each developing nation.

I'm one of the fortunate ones: Greek and Hebrew come pretty easily to me.

My favourite species of vegetation is the church plant.

Did I just have mud rubbed in my eyes?

What's an Xbox?

Now I know why Solomon had 700 wives: because he never met you.

I used to believe in natural theology, but since I met you I've converted to divine revelation.

I look after widows.

Is that a thinline, duo-tone, compact ESV Travel Bible in your pocket?

Why don't I have a Bible dictionary? Well, I don't really need it.

Bathsheba had nothing on you.

You put the 'cute' back in persecution.

Your hair is like a flock of goats descending from Gilead.

Can I clothe you in righteousness?

How many times do I have to walk around you to make you fall for me?

How would you like to join my Purpose Driven Life?"

If you say no, I will rip out my hair and my beard.

If you say no, I'm going to tear my clothes, get in my sackcloth and rub dust into my head.

If you say no, I'm going on a pilgrimage.

Unfortunately, I can't perform miracles and I've only got enough bread and fish for two people.

My parents are home. You wanna come over?

Let me remove my sandals before I come any closer.

Let's say, hypothetically, you were married: I would send your husband to the front line against the Amorites.

It's obvious to me that you sprouted from the good kinda soil.

Feel free to meet me at the threshing floor.

You can lie at my feet.

I know its absurd, but every time I walk towards you, it feels like I'm being lead to Bethlehem.

If I had to choose between a romantic date with you or a night with the fellas ... I would sit at home and read my Bible.

I really like your spirituality; it goes well with that shirt.

Welcome to the Christian family: the only family where brothers and sisters can marry each other.

I did a love tester on your name and mine: it came back 'predestined'.

You're totally depraved but I'd still like to go out with you.

You can come crash at my place tonight. I have a separate room prepared.

I'm a Proverbs 32 kind of guy and you're a Proverbs 31 kinda woman.

I'm interested in full time ministry, and not only that: I also play the guitar.

You really have to watch out for that man of lawlessness ... but don't worry: I'm not him, so you're safe with me.

If we were around with Noah ... you and me? Pair.

I arrange the substantial Christian section of my bookshelf into alphabetical order. Coffee?

I sit with my mom at church.

Let me sell you an indulgence, because it's a sin to look as good as you do.

Solomon had 700 wives. You can be my second girlfriend ... but bring your friends.

I have a Bible verse tattoo. It's permanent. It's also in ancient Greek.

I consider myself to be a fisher of women: this would be referred to as "casting my net".

I'm pretty much considered an elder in the congregation these days.

It would be my honor to present you spotless on the last day.

Me. You. Song of Songs: the remix.

When I read Philippians 4:8, I think about you.

I would leave 99 sheep to come and find you ... and then I would carry you home joyfully on my shoulder.

I prayed up at the front at church tonight.

I'm developing the newest form of SingStar: hymns and songs of worship.

Look, you're nearly 22. Most Christians are three years into marriage by now: just settle for me.

I come from Egypt: the same place Moses lived.

My general Biblical knowledge is quite vast, probably because I finished Bible Trivia as a child.

Who's your favorite apostle?

You make the Queen of Sheba look like a hobo.

I have familiarized myself with all five love languages: in fact, I invented four of them.

Let's go for a ride in my Zondervan.

Have you died before? That looks like a resurrection body to me.

All I'm looking for is a Godly woman. I don't care that you're not attractive.

You float my ark.

Do you need prayer? I am certainly willing to lay hands on you.

As Shammah the son of Agee a Hararite protected the field of lentils, so I wish to protect you.

You make me want to be a better Christian.

I will never give you reason to hammer a tent peg through my skull.

I predicted David over Goliath: now I'm betting on you and me.

If you were staying for the tribulation, I would consider staying too ... but then I would probably leave.

If you were a leper, I would still hold your hand ... even if it wasnt attached.

I would have asked you out to dinner, but I just put all my money in the offeratory basket.

Hi, I'm Calvin. You were meant to choose me.

Unlike the Israelites, who forgot the Lord, I will remember your name most of the time.

You are a Galations 5 fruit salad.

I mentioned you in my testimony.

Can you make your decision? I'm keen to build a commemorative altar and Home Depot is closing in 15 minutes.

The perseverance of the saints is well illustrated by the amount of time I spend talking to you.

The Lord Jesus was into carpentry: I'm doing an apprenticeship.

If you were my wife, I would never make you pretend to be my sister. That would be too damaging to my reputation.

I would bring your father twelve-hundred Philistine foreskins for just one date with you.

I've been called the 11th Plague of Egypt: Boogie Fever.

Are you Pentecostal? I would really like to speak in tongues with you.

Do you know what the difference is between going to church and making out? No? Wanna go to church with me?

Can I put my Bible next to your Bible?

Didn't I see you singing to the shepherds when Jesus was born?

Didn't Solomon write a song about you?

2009-04-30T08:47:00.003-06:00

I met the woman below when we were both 20. She dated a friend of mine for a month, and although it didn't work out between them, she and I still keep in touch over ten years later. She married someone else seven years ago who has since had two struggles with acute lymphocytic leukemia, the second one being over this past year. They just had their second child this week, and were in today's Winnipeg Free Press. The Oprah show also contacted Darla yesterday and wants her to make a video about how she used Skype to communicate with Stu while he was in isolation, but Darla is unsure if she will be out of the hospital in time to meet the deadline.

THE FOUR LETTER WORD BETWEEN LIFE AND DEATH

Gordon Sinclair Jr.
30/04/2009 7:52 AM

THIS is a story -- two stories really -- about life, death and the word that separates one from the other.

A word with four letters, as it happens.

***

The first story: I was walking my dog just after 6:30 Wednesday morning, when a woman who happened to be out in her driveway called me by name.

She wanted to talk to me.

"A little girl committed suicide on the weekend," she began.

I asked how old she was.

"She was a 15-year old aboriginal girl," the woman answered.

Later police would confirm that the girl's body had been found by two female joggers in a park near the corner of Bishop Grandin and St. Mary's Road.

The pretty little girl was hanging from a small and lonely tree.

Her name was Samantha.

My neighbour went on to say there was a sign posted across from the St. Vital George's Burgers fast food restaurant, which is in clear view of where the girl died.

"Winnipeg," the sign implores, "Let's wake up. A Band-Aid will not fix families" The sign is part of a shrine-like memorial that family, friends and even, it appears, one of the joggers who found the child's body have created with letters and a few of Samantha's favourite things.

A cellphone, cigarettes and a Slurpee cup sit at the bottom of the tree, with tiny candles and plastic daisies.

I don't know how the woman in the driveway knew Samantha, but it was clear she had some sort of professional contact with her.

In the brief minute or so we stood there, she spoke about all the people who had tried to help Samantha.

Talking to me, it seemed, was the woman's own way of crying out for help. Or perhaps for understanding of those who try to help the city's young and desperately unhappy, but can't save all of them from their pasts, their painful presents.

And the futures they can't see.

***

The second story: It was Friday, and a man who looked prematurely bald, and a woman who looked obviously pregnant, were seated in the Palm Room of the Fort Garry Hotel.

"Where are you from?" I asked.

"Winnipeg," replied the woman.

I was curious because they appeared to be staying at the hotel, which is where their story really begins.

The couple introduced themselves as Darla and Stuart Croall and they explained they were there because the staff at their three-year-old son's daycare held a fundraiser, then presented them with a surprise weekend "away."

The Assiniboine Day Care workers understood what the hotel stay would mean to both of them.

Darla was a few days away from a caesarean section birth. And Stuart is scheduled to have a stem-cell transplant on May 28.

In fact, Stuart has spent most of the last four months in hospital, ever since the acute leukemia that had been in remission for more than seven years flared up again.

He went through three years of low-dose chemotherapy before fathering their first son, which not all men who undergo prolonged cancer treatments are able to do.

But now, as he waited for his second son to arrive, Stuart was wondering if he will be alive to watch the two of them grow up.

"I wonder what will happen if I'm not here.

Most of the time, I try to take it day by day, I try not to dwell on it. And most of the time it works."

On the weekend, what he was dwelling on was life, not death.

"I'm waiting to meet him," Stuart said of their new son. "Just to see what he's like."

***

A 15-year-old is so desperate to die. A 36-year-old man is so desperate to live. What separates their worlds is the word that gives life its meaning.

It's what Samantha lost, what Stuart survives on, and it's what brought baby Bennett Croall into the world right on schedule Tuesday morning.

Hope.

The necessity of hope.

gordon.sinclair@freepress.mb.ca

2009-04-29T22:02:00.006-06:00

When I first started watching this, I thought it was made by an actual high school kid, but apparently, it's done by two guys, Barats and Bereta, who have tonnes of online comedy on their website and on YouTube.

Makes me think of the good old days ...

... except I WAS valedictorian AND had mad skills in history, getting an 100% overall mark in grade eleven.

Word.

2009-04-28T17:46:00.002-06:00

I went to the Broadway Theatre today and the man in the ticket office looked vaguely familiar to me. I stared at him throughout our transaction, then sort of stammered, "I was sure I knew you ... from the Fringe".

"Yes! Yes, you do!" he replied.

It was, as I'd suspected, Anthony Trombetta, star of Blasphemy!

"But ... you live in the Yukon," I said, even more confused.

Apparently, when Trombetta and his wife were here in the summer, they liked it so much, they moved. If you already live in the Yukon, how bad could Saskatchewan winters be?

2009-04-21T19:59:00.002-06:00

I came across a rare gem on EBay today ...

The 357 Magnum Hair Dryer!

It gives all new meaning to the phrase,
"I wouldn't be caught dead looking like that!"

Pull the hammer to the desired heat setting,
squeeze the trigger, and "fire away" ... so to speak.

Okay ... one more ... and I'm done.

It's listed for $99.00, so the seller is sure to make a killing.

2009-04-20T03:49:00.007-06:00

Recently, Mile's blog and mine just shamelessly rip each other off, but ...

This is the first I have heard of comedian Sara Haskins, but (according to Wikipedia), Sara is known for her satire about gender stereotypes in the media, and she writes and stars in the InfoMania segment "Target Women" in which she mocks products, advertising, and media aimed at women:

2009-04-17T07:50:00.007-06:00

I sort of enjoyed this guy's bitter rant at the beginning
and the creativity of his door to door presentation.

Some fun facts ...

Not sure about the Mormons, but the Jehovah Witnesses "bit in the New Testament that says to go around and annoy the sh*t out of people by bashing on their door" is Acts 5:42:

"And every day, in the temple and from house to house, they kept right on teaching and preaching Jesus as the Christ."
... but that was after the Ascension, and not said by Jesus.

Jesus does say in Matthew 26:10 "Why are you bothering this woman?": however, in all fairness, I am taking that out of context (but, next time someone comes around, I'm quoting it just to see what they will say!).

Jesus wasn't around yet in Deuteronomy.

Deuteronomy 13:11 actually (ironically!) says, "Then all Israel will hear and be afraid, and no one among you will do such an evil thing again."

2009-04-16T18:26:00.009-06:00

Like so many other people, I came across this YouTube
clip while procrastinating.

Sadly, this is "so me".

The whole show, "Here and Now" is on there and is quite funny if you have the time ... or if you don't have the time, but you have a short attention span and very low productivity.

2009-04-16T10:55:00.003-06:00

I recently saw this video made by a 32 year old man named Matt, who danced around the world, sponsored by Stride gum. In 2006, Matt took a 6 month trip through thirty nine countries on all 7 continents. In 2007, Matt went back to Stride and told them that he wanted to travel around the world one more time and invite the people who'd written to him in response to his first video to come out and dance, too.

These are the lyrics to the song "Praan" that Matt dances to in his 2008 video:

I will not easily forget
The life that stirs in my soul
Hidden amidst Death
That infinite Life

I hear you in the thunder
A simple tune
A tune to which I will arise (3x)

And in that storm of happiness
As your music plays in your mind
The whole wide world
Dances to your rhythm

I hear you in the thunder
A simple tune
A tune to which I will arise (3x)

2009-04-11T11:05:00.003-06:00

I saw this posted on Facebook this morning, and got shivers.

2009-04-10T19:02:00.007-06:00

I don't know about you, but I've always been a sucker for a sharp dressed man, especially one in a suit. However, it seems like, lately, the only handsome young gentlemen who come calling hand me a pamphlet explaining why I'm going to Hell.

Finally, an answer to housewives' prayers everywhere ...

Men on a Mission: a calender of "12 hot'n'holy hunks to knock, knock, knock on the door of your wildest, polygamous dreams"!

I found this Julia Sweeney clip from her show Letting Go Of God months ago, and I am so glad that I finally have a reason to use it!

2009-04-10T17:02:00.013-06:00

Yesterday's episode of The Colbert Report talked about a dog Passover sedar that was recently held in Chicago, which featured a telling of the story of Exodus, the typical rituals and Kosher dog food!

Monday, April 25, 2005

DOGS PARTICIPATE IN PASSOVER SEDAR
William Hageman

The guests gathered around the Seder plate, in a circle on the floor, a book of instructions nearby.

Most sat attentively. Some looked around and fidgeted. Some scratched and barked.

It was a Passover Seder for dogs.

Soggy Paws, a dog wash and pet products store in Chicago, is more accustomed to dog birthday parties and singles nights. This was a first, said co-owner Kevin Richardson.

"Paul (co-owner Paul Rathe) was trepidatious about doing this," Richardson said of the service. "Would it offend people? Will people get upset? I called one of my Orthodox friends in D.C. and she thought it was brilliant. As she said, being religious doesn't mean you have to be a stick-in-the-mud.

"Paul was worried till he went to the store to buy yarmulkes, and he saw Spider-Man yarmulkes. Then it was OK."

Yes, the dogs wore yarmulkes. Quit snickering. They also ate kosher dog food.

It was provided by Holly Sher, who owns Evanger's Dog & Cat Food Co. in Wheeling, Ill.

"A number of customers of hers wanted to keep kosher with their dogs," Richardson said. "Even a number of customers who were not religious during the year wanted to keep kosher for Passover."

The service itself was less than 20 minutes.

On the Seder plate was an egg, parsley and matzo. Bottles of concord grape juice sat nearby.

The 11 dogs and their owners sat in a circle as Uri Heller, president of Magen David Adom, the Israeli Red Cross, conducted the service. The owners sang and read from the booklets. You can expect only so much from dogs.

When it was time for the feast -- a Seder is, after all, a communal meal -- the three Evanger's dinners that are certified kosher (duck and sweet potatoes, hunk of beef and whole chicken thighs) were served. The dogs made quick work of the meal, and the brief Seder drew to a close.

"I think this is great," Heller said. "This is the first time I've known of any dog food that's kosher for Passover. It's really a mitzvah, a good deed."

Copyright © 2005, Chicago Tribune

BUT ... before we Christians start snickering behind our hands ...

June 17, 2008

GOD SPELLED BACKWARD: AN EAST SIDE CHURCH SAYS 'AMEN!' TO CANINE PARISHIONERS
Stephanie Todaro

On any given Sunday at the Church of the Holy Trinity on the Upper East Side, the choir sings a melodic hymn while one congregant chimes in with an enthusiastic jangle of his collar.

He's Music, a golden retriever and regular parishioner. And he's not the only dog in attendance; he's joined by four fellow canines and their human counterparts as they all celebrate in harmony.

Dogs have come a long way - once made to stay outside, they're welcome at some stores, hotels, boutiques. And now, church.

While dogs have traditionally been allowed in churches for the Blessing of the Animals each October, many congregations are now welcoming canines at weekly services.

"It started because a parishioner was sick one weekend and felt like she could either take her dog for a walk or go to church, but not both," says the Rev. Michael Phillips, rector of the Church of the Holy Trinity.

"Then she thought, 'Why not combine them?' and she brought her dog to church. It's been happening ever since."

Music's owner Jennifer Goodnow understands how some outsiders might be surprised by the multispecies congregation.

"I met a newcomer once who started going to the 8 o'clock service, and she thought it was a service for the blind because there were so many dogs," says Goodnow.

The majority of dog-toting parishioners claim they bring their pets to church as family members, rather than guests. "We're pretty active in this church," says Pam Synk, a Holy Trinity parishioner for more than 15 years and owner of Goldie, a yellow Lab.

"You start becoming more active when you're pulled in by your children. You try to make it a fun, family place for them, and the dog is part of our family, so we all go together."

What does the nonpet-owning population think about the canine addition? Phillips says that in his three years as rector, he has heard only one complaint, from a parishioner who suffered from allergies to pet dander. Otherwise, the animals have been welcomed with open arms.

"You come to church to have good thoughts, not be cross," says Kit Bradshaw, a 90-year-old dog-free congregant.

There's even potential for pup proselytizing. "Rocco is my neighbor's dog," says Goodnow, pointing to the Boston terrier sprawled in the aisle. "He is culturally Jewish but not practicing. I think he's ripe for conversion because every time I take him, he just stares at the altar with his jaw open. He is so into it."

Rocco's conversion will have to wait for another day, because the Mass has come to an end.

The choir has paraded down the center of the church in a final, thunderous song. The altar boys followed behind, and as the clergy came to the end of the aisle, each reached down in acknowledgement of their furriest congregants with pats on the head.

Copyright 2009 NYP Holdings, Inc. All rights reserved.

Unlike the woman who wrote this article, the people mentioned above seem to be serious(ly in need of help).

First of all, I want to make it clear that I love dogs. In fact, one of my most loyal friends was my childhood springer spaniel. I'm also not opposed to the idea of deceased pets being present in the afterlife. I also really like the idea of an annual "Blessing of the Beasts" service.

However, I would never take a pet to church on an ongoing basis ... let alone be foolish enough to believe that pet was benefitting from religious instruction while there.

Take for example Rocco, Jennifer Goodnow's neighbour's dog who is "culturally Jewish but not practicing", but who is "ripe for conversion" due to being "so into" mass that he "just stares at the altar with his jaw open".

*sigh*

How did she decide the dog was culturally Jewish? Just because his owners are? A dog's owners are not his parents.

The Boston Terrier breed originated around 1870, when Robert C. Hooper of Boston purchased a dog known as Hooper's Judge, who was of a Bull and Terrier type lineage, who was bred with French Bulldogs.

The name Hooper originated in England: they were the ones who put the hoops around the barrels.

Awh ... it's all so clear to me now how they journeyed across the Atlantic Ocean to the Promised Land of barrel hoops and Alpo.

Of course the dog is not practicing Judaism! He is a DOG! Dogs don't practice religions!

My guess is that, if this person is asking if she can bring her neighbour's dog to mass, she is single and lonely, and probably not aware that, if your husband or children just stare at the alter with their mouth hanging open, it is not a sure sign they are "so into" church.

Ever think of inviting your neighbour to church before their dog?

Curiouser and curiouser ... apparently, ready-made pet baptism kits used to be available on E-Bay!

Predicated on the assumption that theology isn't all that important, the kit came with holy water, a baptismal certificate, a prayer of St Francis and instructions for a baptismal ceremony that will "enrich the lives of both you and your pet". Each kit was hand-packed and blessed by Father Andrew himself.

I know, I know ... charging for God's free gift of grace?

I'm as outraged as you are!

However, before you declare that you don't need the instructions, take heed of the "example" below ...

... or, better yet, remember that ANIMALS don't understand THEOLOGY.

2009-03-31T21:24:00.004-06:00

More than 1,000 cities in over 80 countries observed Earth Hour 2009 on Saturday March 28th, as homes, office towers and landmarks turned off their lights for an hour starting at 8:30 PM local time to raise awareness about climate change and the threat from rising greenhouse gas emissions.

Follow this link to see a series of before-and-after photographs which will fade between "on" and "off" when clicked!

2009-03-31T16:59:00.006-06:00

I was skimming through channels today, and came across "Extreme Clergy", a 13-part documentary series that follows pastors, ministers, priests and rabbis into the world’s most dangerous places and films their struggle for social justice.

In a country where every year thousands of violent offenders are released from prison to enter communities where they will inspire loathing and fear; who will find a way to prevent ex-convicts from re-offending, from destroying other lives and their own: who will reach out to the worst of the worst?

In war-torn nations where non-combatants are caught in the crossfire; in rich lands where natural resources generate untold wealth for the few and deprivation for the many; in parched deserts where those who seek freedom often find death: who will stand up for the forgotten and oppressed?

In a far off broken land, when we send young men to fight and kill and be killed, who will walk beside them in the battle zone, without a weapon; to comfort the wounded and the dying and those left behind?

As the previews say ...

"Only those with the courage of their convictions!"
The episode I watched was about Mennonite Chaplain Harry Nigh of Toronto, who works with the “worst of the worst", repeat sex offenders and murderers newly released from the Canadian prison system.

However, Harry - not surprisingly - doesn't see or treat the the ex-prisoners he meets through his work that way ... but that doesn't make for very good ratings.

Therefore, foreign correspondent Rick MacInnes-Rae, who does the voice-over work, is constantly trying to make things sound sinister every time they go to commercial!

But what Bill would do next ...
would shock EVERYONE ...

"Pastor, I want to get baptized!"

"Really, Bill?!?! I'm shocked: everyone is!"

2009-03-31T16:44:00.005-06:00

These pictures were taken by Chema Madoz.

Follow this link to see more ...

2009-03-15T00:22:00.003-06:00

I recently saw this ad for a car air freshener sold by AVON.

Love the slogan ... and the price tag: note that $14.99 does not include perfume, just the cross and a felt insert to spray it on.

2009-02-10T01:16:00.007-06:00

I was recently reading a friend's blog where he discussed receiving a postcard from his hometown of Kindersley, Saskatchewan:

There's so much going on on this postcard, just like there is going on in Kindersley, that you may find yourself disoriented and confused after glancing upon it. Don't worry. It'll pass... eventually. I suggest looking at postcards of Rosetown to calm you down.

Ohhhh SNAP!!

This man has lived outside of Kindersley for approximately ten years, yet he still has that "Kindersley pride deep inside".

Maybe this is just because I did my clincial and social psychology lab project on in-group/out-group bias, but it got me thinking how, for every community, real or fictional, there seems to be a "nemesis" community which it's citizens love to hate.

I come from Cando, Saskatchewan. We had, and for all I know, still have, a rivalry with Biggar. (Those smug bunch of ... with their "New York" sign and their Milo Hanson buck ... they think they're so "bigg".)

In Cando, we have no benches. We're too busy working for a living.
Saskatoon has Regina ...

Calgary has Edmonton ...

"The Simpsons" Springfield has Shelbyville ...

The citizens of Dog River can't say "Woolerton" without spitting: this apparently relates to the real life rivalry of "Corner Gas" star Brent Butt's hometown of Tisdale and nearby *ptui!* Melfort.

It goes right back to Biblical times, when Nathaneal asks Philip, "Can anything good come out of Nazareth?"

In that case, the answer was "yes", but technically, Jesus was from "out of town" ...

2009-01-14T20:42:00.004-06:00

I have been hearing the recent radio ad advertising LASIK MD's laser eye surgery: they will perform the surgery now, but do not require payment until 2010.

Having the best vision possible should not come at the mercy of high prices. LASIK MD strongly believes that everyone should be able to benefit from laser eye surgery. As such, we offer attractive financing options to help make the dream of great vision a reality.

Really?

What do they do if you don't pay in 2010?

It's not like a TV or a car that you can repossess ... that is, unless the mob comes to your house late one night!

"Dr. Wandzura says, 'hello'!!!"

2009-01-07T18:08:00.002-06:00

The other day, my friend who works for the College of Nursing and I were talking on MSN about "inappropriate and embarassing photos" being connected with the College. Because I am totally juvenille, my mind, and my Google search engine, immediately went to this:

The reason I am posting it here is ...

She appears to be giving herself a needle to the face!

Is that supposed to be clenched in her teeth or what?

How is that sexy?

2009-01-05T20:27:00.009-06:00

SASKATCHEWAN TEEN AUTHOR DIES OF CANCER
By Jason Warick
January 5, 2009 6:03 PM

A teenager who penned an award-winning allegorical novel about a boy and a dragon has died of cancer.Matthew Epp, a 16-year-old from the town of Fiske, located approximately 130 kilometres southwest of Saskatoon, died Friday. Epp wrote the story Hope & the Dragon five years ago while attending a camp for children affected by cancer. The dragon symbolized cancer and a boy defeats it with a combination of hope, faith, love and courage. His grandmother entered it in a 2006 writing contest and it was awarded first prize. It was published and he did book readings and various other speaking events, discussing his own battle with a form of cancer called Wilm’s tumour. He endured this rare form of kidney cancer throughout his life, requiring several rounds of chemotherapy and radiation treatment as the cancer kept returning. He raised money for cancer research through his book sales and by participating in various fundraisers in nearby Rosetown and other communities. “His whole life revolved around cancer treatments . . . yet Matthew never saw his life that way,” states his recently-published obituary. “He always said that he was happy and that life was good. He had many wonderful experiences during his short life.” From age six, Matthew attended Camp Circle O’Friends, a four-day retreat at Lake Diefenbaker for children touched by cancer. “Everyone who met him (at camp) was touched by his zest for life, positive attitude and desire to be just a ‘normal’ kid,” stated the obituary.

© Copyright The StarPhoenix

MATTHEW ROBERT JOSEPH EPP
November 30, 1992 to January 2, 2009
Either God Will Take My Cancer From Me, Or Me From My Cancer: Either Way I Win
Matthew was the amazing, wonderful son of Dwayne and Nicole Epp and Robert and Brenda Larrabee. He was big brother to Christian, 8 years old and Emmanuelle, 7 years old; Grandson to Ed Mercier and Sharon Johnson, Rodney and Marlane Fox, Richard and Darlene Epp, Marjorie Larrabee, Tom and Mellonie Larrabee; Great-Grandson to Laurence and Cynthia Mutlow, Bill and Vendora Peters and Egland Mercier. He was nephew to Michael and Courtenay Mercier, Chris and Krystle Rawson, Curtis and Laura Epp, Kevin Epp and Lita Norman, Michael and Joanne Epp, Steven and Jennifer Rowan, Nicole Epp, Jean Paul Larrabee and Sterling Larrabee. Matthew also had many great aunts and uncles, cousins and wonderful friends. He was predeceased by his aunt Melanie Epp, his great-auntie Loraine Mercier, great-grandfather Kenneth McKenzie, great-grandfather Noel Mercier, great-grandfather Jacob Epp and great-grandmother Katharina Epp. Matthew was diagnosed with Wilm's tumor, cancer of the kidney, when he was almost two years old. He relapsed three times. His whole life revolved around cancer treatments, cancer remissions and cancer relapses. Yet, Matthew never saw his life that way. He always said that he was happy, and that his life was good. He had many wonderful experiences during his short life. His wishes came true thanks to the Children's Wish Foundation, he was 2004 Champion Child for the Children's Health and Hospital Foundation of Saskatchewan, and he was a published author of the book Hope and the Dragon. He helped raise money for cancer research by participating in Relay for Life in Rosetown and by his book sales which a percentage of the proceeds go to the Childhood Cancer Foundation. Matthew loved canoeing, fishing, camping and just spending time with his family. He also loved quading and spending time with all of his friends. He loved playing playstation with his brother Christian and cuddling with his sister Emmanuelle. Anyone who knew Matthew all know how much he enjoyed trying new foods, cooking, barbecuing, restaurants and just talking about the foods he had tried. Matthew also loved Camp Circle of Friends, a camp at Diefenbaker Lake for children touched by cancer. He started going there at six years old and went almost every year after that. He loved the friends he met there and it was exciting when his brother and sister were able to join him in 2008. Everyone who met him was touched by his zest for life, positive attitude and desire to just be a normal kid. Matthew attended D'arcy elementary school and then attended Rosetown Central High School, a place where he met amazing teachers and friends all of which gave our family so much support and kindness. From the bottom of our hearts, we thank you for that! We would like to thank Dr. Ali, Matthew's oncologist since he was two years old, nurses Kathie and Jan and all the other amazing nurses from the Saskatoon Cancer Clinic. We would like to thank the doctors and nurses at the Rosetown Hospital who always made Matthew feel special. A special thank you to Shelley, Bev and the homecare nurses. We would like to thank the nurses and doctors from the pain management team at St. Paul's Hospital and thank you so much to our community, our friends and our family who gave us so much love and support all these years also, a special thank you to Matthew's best friend, Kaitlyn McIntyre. We are going to miss him so much, and life will never be the same again. I always called him my angel boy when I put him into bed at night, so I would like to finish this by saying one last time, goodnight my angel boy, I love you so much. The Funeral Service for Matthew will be held on Wednesday, January 7, 2009 at 1:00 p.m. at the Rosetown Alliance Church with Pastors Claire & Garth Ewert Fisher officiating. In lieu of flowers, Memorial Donations may be made to the Saskatchewan Children's Health and Hospital Foundation, the Children's Wish Foundation of Saskatchewan or to the Children's Cancer Foundation. Clements Rosetown Funeral Home entrusted with the arrangements.

2009-01-02T19:21:00.002-06:00

PERU CHRISTMAS BABY NAMED JESUS

A Peruvian woman called Virgen Maria, who is married to a carpenter, has named her son Jesus Emanuel after giving birth on Christmas Day.

Twenty-year-old Virgen Maria Huarcaya Palomino had not been due to give birth on Thursday, but went into labour early and underwent a Caesarean operation.
Her husband, who shares the same profession as Saint Joseph, is in fact called Adolfo Jorge Huaman.

He said the couple had been planning to name their son after a football player.

"But thanks to a happy coincidence this is how things ended up," he said.

Baby Jesus was born at 0220 local time (0720 GMT) on 25 December at the National Perinatal Institute in Lima and weighed 3.32kg.

His mother said: "I am so happy to give birth on such a special date. I didn't think that my baby was going to be born today and now that I have him in my arms I am very happy."

Virgen Maria means Virgin Mary in English. She told local television that her grandfather, a devotee of the Virgin Mary, had chosen her own unusual name, with which, until now, she had not felt comfortable.

"In school they made fun of my name," she said.

2008-12-27T11:54:00.003-06:00

This was my favorite Christmas TV ad this year. I even downloaded the Belamy Brother's song it is based on.

My favorite radio commerical was the Turtles "Lift, Listen and Win" contest, where the announcer dramatically talks about the "three wisemen, who came from afar bringing gifts", when another voice chimes in, "Yep, Jim, Joan and Judy Wiseman! All the way from St. Joooooohn's!". For some reason, I never stopped finding that cute, although I was sure that many other motorists were cursing their radios at the same moment.

2008-12-25T23:20:00.002-06:00

How silently, how silently,
the wondrous gift is given;
so God imparts to human hearts
the blessings of his heaven.
No ear may hear his coming,
but in this world of sin,
where meek souls will receive him, still
the dear Christ enters in.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

2008-12-14T12:50:00.001-06:00

Another episode of "Good Priest, Bad Priest" ... with special guests!!!

2008-12-06T11:57:00.004-06:00

"I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day" is a Christmas carol based on the poem "Christmas Bells", composed by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807-1882) in 1864:

I heard the bells on Christmas Day
Their old, familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet
The words repeat
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

And thought how, as the day had come,
The belfries of all Christendom
Had rolled along
The unbroken song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

Till ringing, singing on its way,
The world revolved from night to day,
A voice, a chime,
A chant sublime
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

Then from each black, accursed mouth
The cannon thundered in the South,
And with the sound
The carols drowned
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

It was as if an earthquake rent
The hearth-stones of a continent,
And made forlorn
The households born
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

And in despair I bowed my head;
"There is no peace on earth," I said;
"For hate is strong,
And mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!"

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
"God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;
The Wrong shall fail,
The Right prevail,
With peace on earth, good-will to men."

Longfellow wrote "Christmas Bells" on Christmas day 1864, in the midst of the American Civil War and the news of his son, Charles Appleton Longfellow, having suffered wounds as a soldier in battle. His wife had died two years prior due to an accident with fire.

Let that be a lesson to you kids: careful around that Christmas tree.

Minus the Civil War specific verses, it became this song, sung here by Frank Sinatra:

In 2008, Casting Crowns has kept the original verses, but added a chorus and done a new musical arrangment:

I am usually quite fanactical in my devotion to keeping Christmas songs and tunes exactly the same, but I like this change ... and it doesn't hurt that it's one of my favorite bands!

2008-12-03T22:10:00.003-06:00

I got a kick out of this recent e-mail forward from Natasha:

AN OPEN HOLIDAY LETTER FROM JESUS
Dictated to: Max Burbank

Hey, everybody!

It's me, Jesus. You know, Lamb of God and all. Sorry I haven't been in touch in a while: things have been crazy. You know how it is. Dad says "hi".

I just thought I'd write and wish everyone a Merry Christmas. I know that's not as fashionable as it should be - maybe I'm supposed to say 'Happy Holidays' - but I think it's okay to say 'Merry Christmas' to everyone. You don't have to be a Christian. You don't have to believe I'm divine. All I'm doing is wishing you well.

And just so we're clear, personally? I think putting a nativity on public property is pushy. Plus, it's a little embarrassing. You know how it is when company you barely know comes over and your mom hauls out your baby album? It's like that.

Anyway, to me this is a special time of year, and I just thought I'd take the time to remind you that, while I'm sure I said a lot of things that got written down and translated a lot of different ways, what I really meant was 'Be as nice as you can to other people'. And then try harder. Stretch a little. Even people you don't like. Actually especially people you don't like, because, come on, if it's hard for you to be nice to the people you like, you're already in trouble, right? That's the important stuff. And I just feel, at this time of year, that's the message I really want to get out. 'Cause it's my birthday.

You knew that right? That Christmas is my birthday? It's kind of funny, see, 'cause it's my birthday, but you guys get all the presents. See, those presents? They're supposed to be a symbol, right, of the gifts I got at my birth. The Gold, frankincense, myrrh, pa-rah-pa-pum-pum. You know. See, and all I want from you guys, right, is to hate each other just a little less, and I don't know, maybe try to cut back on the constant stealing and raping and killing and blowing things up. You know, you're always praying to me, like I'm going to do something about it. Well, newsflash: if you haven't copped to it yet, I'm not. Because I haven't killed anyone. See what I'm saying? You want that crap to stop, YOU need to stop it. And seriously, how much do you want it to stop? 'Cause most of the prayers I've gotten this last month are all "Please Make Dad give me a cell phone!", "I want a Wii!", Wii... what kind of name is that anyway? Do you have any idea how many sixteen-year-old American girls asked me to help get them a car for Christmas? A CAR?! HEY! I'm not Santa. I do NOT get involved in that, and if that's the kind of crap you pray for, you ought to be ashamed. It makes me sick, literally.

Gotta get more lights than the neighbors, gotta buy a High-Def TV, gotta drink like some kind of alcoholic PIG so I can STAND to be around the people I'm supposed LOVE, right?

You, you, you, you, you, you, you. It's all about you. Season of you.

IT'S MY DAMN BIRTHDAY!

Jesus wants some cake and ice cream. Jesus wants to pin the tail on the damn donkey, unwrap some cool stuff, and he wants to see a chocolate cake with real butter cream frosting somebody made, with two-thousand-eight candles out and he wants to MAKE A DAMN WISH!

Don't worry. I can blow them all out. Fed a friggin' multitude, I think I can blow out a few thousand candles. And I don't want that joke kind, the kind that light back up! I'll damn you to hell. Bet on it.

A birthday card, something. I'm sure it's too much to ask. I only got crucified.

Okay, look, In Barbara Mandrell's autobiography? She was born on December 25th right? And her whole life, her whole friggin' life, on Christmas there'd be two cakes. TWO. One for Barbara and one for me. That's nice, don't you think?

Barbara Mandrell. Mandrell. Country singer? The Mandrell sisters? The Barbara and the Mandrell Sister's show? With the puppet? The Sid and Marty Kroft Barbara Mandrell Puppet? "Sleeping Single in a Double Bed" Hello?

No. No. of course you don't know who Barbara Mandrell is, cause she wasn't popular in the last ten minutes. You barely know who I am and I'M THE SON OF GOD!!!

Sorry. Sorry. Mea Culpa, right? Mea Maxima Culpa. It's just, you know, I get a little blue on my birthday, what with all the fuss and all and Santa, Rudolph and friggin' Frosty, right? And none of that is even slightly about me, is it?

Screw it, though, you know. If I wanted a pity party I should have gone into some other line of work. OH! I heard that Nativity Story movie they have out is a complete snooze, so don't bother. I'm barely even in it. Can you imagine that? Make a movie about the Prince of Peace and then hardly even show him.

Anyway, sorry about the spaz attack. Just spare a moment or two to think of me while you're at the office party contemplating adultery, all right?

Happy Xmas.

Good night and God Bless,

Jesus
Wonderful Counselor.
Everlasting Father.
Prince of Peace.

2008-11-28T00:03:00.005-06:00

Imagine your doorbell ringing on a Saturday afternoon, and when you answer it, you see this ...

... and he hands you some pamphlets and asks you, "Have you given thought to what happens after you die?"

All Along the Watchtower
Prince goes door to door for Jehovah's Witnesses. The famously shy musician takes his beliefs on the road
By Gary Susman Gary Susman

Prince, who said in a 2001 interview that he's become a Jehovah's Witness, takes his new faith seriously. So discovered a woman named Rochelle, who told the Minneapolis-St.Paul Star Tribune that her husband answered a knock on the door to their Eden Prairie, Minn., home last Sunday to find the purple pop star proselytizing. He introduced himself by his full name, Prince Nelson, and came inside, accompanied by his bassist, former Sly and the Family Stone member Larry Graham, Rochelle told the paper.

''My first thought is 'Cool, cool, cool. He wants to use my house for a set. I'm glad! Demolish the whole thing! Start over!' Then they start in on this Jehovah's Witnesses stuff,'' Rochelle recalled. ''I said, 'You know what? You've walked into a Jewish household, and this is not something I'm interested in.' He says, Can I just finish? Then the other guy, Larry Graham, gets out his little Bible and starts reading scriptures about being Jewish and the land of Israel.''

Rochelle said Prince and Graham stayed for 25 minutes. ''Left us a pamphlet,'' Rochelle said. ''He was very kind,'' she said of Prince, who left with Graham in a ''big black truck with a woman, long dark hair in the front seat.'' (Presumably, Prince's wife, Manuela Testolini.) Curiously, they did not visit any other homes on the block. ''It was so bizarre, you would have just laughed,'' Rochelle said. After all, maybe Prince didn't know better than to try to convert a Jewish family hours before the start of Yom Kippur, the holiest day on the Jewish calendar. Still, as a Minnesota native, he should have known better than to visit people's houses and try to distract them from their TVs during a Vikings game.

2008-11-27T17:58:00.003-06:00

I'm not really feeling "Christmas" this year, but I have been enjoying this holiday parody song by John Legend from the Stephen Colbert Christmas special, which is extra funny due to Stephen groving to the music:

I love double entendres ... "ladel" ... ready to grind" ... and my favorite part of this is when they go down the spice rack:

Allspice - you know it leaves me cold as ice!
Cinnamon - don't even think about putting that stuff in!
Kardimom - that won't let me drop my love bomb!
No cocoa, no cloves, no vanilla, no mase ...

I am posting this next one purely because I am secretly juvenille:

I also giggle whenever "Dr. Jackinoff" is paged at the hospital.

2008-11-09T19:47:00.002-06:00

I'm not sure how I stumbled upon these life insurance ads for Thai Insurance on YouTube, but once I'd watched one, I was hooked.

Each one is like a little soap opera!

2008-11-09T17:07:00.013-06:00

A friend of a friend recently posted a Facebook picture from an art exhibit in Toronto. (This isn't that picture, but another one I found of the same piece.)

Okay, at first I didn't realize it was a life sized piece of artwork. I actually thought it was a quirkly alarm clock or collectable statue. However, upon looking at the photo a few times, it started to look vaguely ... familiar.

I asked my friend, and then researched it myself to find out that the modern version is called "piETa", because of it's resemblance to Michelangelo's sculpture "Pieta", meaning "pity" in Greek, of Mary and Jesus after Jesus was crucified. (Legend has it that Michelangelo himself considered the multi-faith moon backdrop with double menorahs and Star of David base, but then thought, "Nah ... too much".) I do, however, question the role assignments. I feel that E.T. should have played the part of Jesus, and Yoda the part of Mary.

Here's why:

E.T. could raise the dead (plants anyway).
E.T. healed Elliot's cut from the circular saw.
E.T.'s friends attempted in vain to protect him from the government, who wanted to capture and kill him.
E.T. came back from the dead.
E.T. was not of this world, but was sent down to Earth for a short time.
E.T. assended to his Home (in the heavens!).
Before leaving, reminded Elliot, "I'll be right here (pointing to Elliot's heart)" similar to Jesus' parting words, "And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age" (Matthew 28:20).
AND ... let's face it ... the outfits match up better the other way around, too.

"And Yoda treasured all these things, pondering them in his heart ..."

Despite the fact that Yoda was a wise and powerful Jedi Master who taught chosen other Jedi the ways of the Force in the Jedi Temple, and Yoda usually gave advice in such a way that the listener must look past what he is literally saying to interpret the hidden meaning, I am not convinced he makes a better Jesus than ET.

Wow ... there's a sentance I never thought I'd say ...

However, ET's similarity to Jesus is not my own discovery and apparently only a coincidence:

Other critics found religious parallels between E.T. and Jesus. Andrew Nigels described the story of E.T. as "crucifixion by military science" and "resurrection by love and faith". According to Spielberg biographer Joseph McBride, Universal Studios appealed directly to the Christian market, with a poster reminiscent of Michelangelo's Creation of Adam and a logo reading "Peace". Spielberg answered that he did not intend the film to be a religious parable, joking, "If I ever went to my mother and said, 'Mom, I've made this movie that's a Christian parable,' what do you think she'd say? She has a kosher restaurant on Pico and Doheny in Los Angeles."

2008-10-30T22:32:00.001-06:00

World Vision should hire Dane Cook!!!

2008-09-28T18:34:00.002-06:00

This week I have come to the conclusion that my innocence is lost forever.

One of my co-workers asked me on Tuesday, "Do you know what a chipper is?". I was quiet for a moment, trying to let my imagination run wild, all the while thinking, "Lord only knows ...".

When I finally gave up, she said, "It's one of those things that you put a potatoe inside, pull the lever and it cuts it into french fries".

"Oh ... a chipper. Yeah, I know what a chipper is ..."

Mock me if you will, but I guess it is the company I keep at work, and also "the times, they are a' changing".

I know that if someone asked my mom to come to a "lipstick party", she would make sure there was plenty of money in her purse to spend on Mary Kay or AVON. This is the woman who once told me that one of her students had a pet cockroach, because another student had come up to her to tell her that he had a "roach" in his pocket.

Her answer?

"That's fine, as long as he doesn't take it out until recess time".

2008-09-28T17:59:00.002-06:00

"When you die, nothing happens ..."

2008-09-28T17:16:00.011-06:00

I am currently taking an extended unit of Clinical Pastoral Education at a hospital in my city. Each week, we have eight hours of instruction and group work in the classroom and eight hours visiting patients on our assigned wards.

The theory behind CPE is that you are the tool that you use to help people in need. Over the unit you set goals to improve your skills and work through your limitations.

I am hoping to become more of a tool than ever by the end of the seven months.

Because we are interns with the Spiritual Care department in the hospital, one of our jobs is to make sure that every patient who passes through the hospital gets at least one visit, and to tell people about the ministry and services of the Spiritual Care department. We also offer to pray with the patients if they wish ... although some of us are more comfortable with that than others.

During one of our classroom role playing exercises, a classmate of mine was paired with the instructor. The senario had lead up to her praying with him, and after asking him if he wanted her to go that far, she began to pray for "Bill" and his "sudden heart attack".

I immediately found myself getting what could only be described as panicky ... as if God, being omnipresent, omniscient and omnipotent cannot understand the concept of "pretending".

*frantically flipping through a giant book*

"Bill had a heart attack? When did that happen? What do you mean ... they're just practicing? Haven't they ever heard the story of the boy who cried w ... oh, great!!! Yellowstone National Park just burned down! Are you people happy now?!?"

2008-09-28T15:49:00.006-06:00

Matthew, my friend Mark's brother, recently got married. I decided to make a cross-stitch picture for Matthew and his new wife (and my new friend - and goddaughter!) Lindsay to commemorate their wedding date. The picture took me a bit longer to finish than I'd expected, but when I sent it to be framed, I was told that it would be done the Saturday before the wedding. I was pretty surprised, because I had envisioned picking it up at the last minute, or even after the wedding, but the framer even chastized me, "It's getting pretty close, you know!".

I didn't get a call over the weekend, but I was driving past at about five minutes to closing on the Monday before the wedding and thought I would stop in, thinking that the framer had probably called and left a message at my apartment while I was at work.

BUT ...

When I asked if the picture was ready, the woman at the gallery said it was not. "I haven't been doing anything. My dad pased away last Thursday, and I am still trying to get my head around that ... but I am going to do it".

I backed out apologetically, and gave an excuse about being at the gas station kitty corner to the framer. I casually told her, "Call me when it's ready!".

BUT ...

I was thinking, "Why is it every time I call someone on something it turns out to be a situation like THIS!?!"

AND ...

I really wanted to ask, "Is it still going to get done on time? Are you planning to prioritize it? It is date sensitive. It has the date right on it. You know the wedding is in five days, right? I mean, I'm sorry your dad died, but ... please get it done! Even just by Saturday morning! I HAVE COUNSELLING SKILLS!!! I CAN HELP YOU PROCESS YOUR GRIEF!!!"

I wanted to say those things, but that's rude, right? Her dad just died and here I am, thinking, "Why do bad things always happen to me ...".

THEN ...

I went home, made supper, and start watching a Dane Cook comedy special. His first segment was about how he lies to people right to their face all the time.

AND ...

I started to doubt her!

"Did her dad even die!?!? She didn't seem sad at all. How easy would that be? I bet she says that all the time! Who would ever question that? WELL ... her dad DAMN WELL BETTER HAVE DIED!"

AND ...

Even if he didn't die, couldn't someone else have done it? What kind of a BUSINESS is she RUNNING where all the employees are RELATED to HER and HER DAD?!?!"

THEN ...

"Oh ... that is so mean. You don't know her! Maybe she doesn't like to show her feelings. Maybe she hated her dad and that's why she smiled sweetly when she told you he died. You smile a lot. Would you want people to judge you? Don't be such a hater".

Every day, I would come home from work, check the answering machine, and walk away whispering curse words to myself. I finally went back the day before the wedding. As soon as I walked in, she said, "Hi ... I'm not quite there yet".

Deciding that her mourning period was over, at least as far as my picture and I were concerned, I firmly asked her, "Do you think it will be done by closing tomorrow?"

"It will be done by opening tomorrow!" she declared, and asked me my name ... which no doubt means she hadn't even started it yet!

SO ...

Like a fool ... I believed her, and returned in the morning, as I was on my way to the church to let the baker in with the wedding cake.

As soon as I walked in the shop, she looked up and said, "Can I deliver it?"

My reply?

"WHAT?!?!"

On the table lay the cross-stitch ... as far as I could see, the same as the day I had brought it in. She said she needed "another hour", and I told her I would come back between the ceremony and the reception.

AND ...

When I did, she was finally finished.

BUT ...

As I looked it over, I noticed a wayward thread in the upper left hand corner. When I asked her about it, and she said that after she had stretched it, she hadn't been able to get that one thread to lay flat. However, the couple could bring it back to her, and she would take it apart and stretch it again ... which I wasn't sure would be free ... or done before their 25th anniversary.

I commented, "I was trying a new technique on the border I have never done before".

COUCHING: couching is used on some advanced cross-stitch patterns. When couching a floss, ribbon, or cording, the item is laid on top of the fabric and tacked down with tiny stitches.

She said, "Well, you did an excellent job ... except for right there".

I bit my lip to avoid saying, "Same to you ..."

I paid the bill, and left with more than enough time to wrap my present and get to the reception.

I think "Dad" would have wanted it that way.

2008-09-07T19:28:00.003-06:00

Today, as I was writing out the week's events on the church Facebook group, one in particular made me smile:

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 8th
7:30 PM - Deaf Committee Meeting

Once a month, there is a signed service, and I'm sure the more politically correct term "hearing impaired" should have been used for this gathering, but as it is currently worded, it really made of think:

"Yep ... I've been there!"

2008-09-07T19:11:00.003-06:00

At my church's Saturday night service, we often sing "Blessed Be Thy Name" by Matt Redman. One evening, the following lyrics were projected by Powerpoint to the congregation:

Blessed be Your name
When I'm found in the dessert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be Your name
I'm not sure if you noticed the church secretary's error, but we are supposed to be singing about "the desert place", not "the dessert place". However, this song's meaning had forever been changed in my mind, and I actually prefer the "revised version".

Personally, I need all the help in the dessert place that I can get ...

2008-09-06T12:23:00.004-06:00

My friend Miles recently posted this photo on his blog, stating it "could be the single most spiteful thing I've ever seen".

However, it appears to me, due to the date being off centre, that March 25th is his date of birth and a date of death still needs to be added: in other words, he is still alive at the age of 79.

I think this guy is highly optimistic ... or perhaps more spiteful and pessimistic than anyone may realize.

How does he know that he will die from illness?

Or than no one will acknowledge it?

Perhaps everyone at his funeral will be left scratching their heads:

"Sick? Well, then why did he go skydiving? Poor Donald ... too sick to pull the ripcord, too cheap to forfeit the deposit ...".

2008-09-01T02:18:00.003-06:00

My practicum student recently made me aware of Cake Wrecks, a blog of hilarious poorly and mistakenly decorated cakes.

Yeah ... we work really hard at our office ...

2008-08-31T18:52:00.004-06:00

Because I enjoyed the Jim Gaffigan special so much, today I am watching clips of him on YouTube ... which has caused me to find a glitch in his observational humor:

I don't use mayonaise - and many other condiments - and I do get questioned about it. All the time.

And YES - I would prefer you go outside.

2008-08-31T03:54:00.004-06:00

I used to have a huge crush on Neil Patrick Harris when he was starring in "Doogie Howser, M.D." ... but lately, I've been thinking that it is not going to work out between us.

However, I am still a huge fan ...

Check out Doctor Horrible's Sing-Along Blog!!!

Here's one of my favorite scenes:

2008-08-31T03:19:00.008-06:00

I was up in the middle of the night, and happened to catch this on the Comedy Network. My favorite part was:

It doesn't matter if you're religious or not. Does anything make you feel more uncomfortable than some stranger going, "I'd like to talk to you about Jesus"?

I also enjoyed his observations on holidays.

It made me think of the time I went to the Jewish Folkfest pavillion, and asked the volunteer there why Christmas and Hanukkah are celebrated at the same time of year: they were celebrating Passover when Jesus was crucified, but Hanukkah is an eight-day Jewish holiday commemorating the rededication of the Second Temple in Jerusalem at the time of the Maccabean Revolt of the 2nd century BCE, and has nothing to do with the Christmas story.

(Pretty cool, eh? Yeah, I know stuff ... which always confuses the volunteers at the Jewish pavilion immensely.)

His theory was that Christians deliberately placed Christmas at a time of year that would compete with Hanukkah in order to lure Jewish people to convert to Christianity. I was with him up to this point, as I have heard the same thing about the pagan solstice celebrations: no one is exactly sure when Jesus' real birthday actually was.

However, he followed this with the comment, "I've never heard of anything more ridiculous ... worshipping a tree".

"Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree! How lovely are thy branches! Here is another brightly wrapped offering for thee!"

2008-08-30T15:27:00.005-06:00

The local radio station is having a "Hits of the 90s" weekend, and in the car last night, I had a blast-from-the-past when they played, "Invisible Man" by 98°.

I was a huge 98° fan. I had no use for the New Kids on the Block at age 12. The Backstreet Boys formed when I was 16: however, I didn't even notice until I was 18! Even then, their music, and the albums of similar boy bands, was more about the "band" than the "boys". I was never one of those girls ... that kind of behavior was just stupid.

That is, until Nick, Jeff, Drew and Justin came along: in that order.

Sigh ...

I bought all of their albums, including their Christmas album and their crappy come back album. I dragged my friend Shallen, who was not a fan, to their concert at the Broadway Theatre. Every day for the two weeks prior to the concert, I sent her a picture of the group with a countdown of how many days until we saw them. The concert was rush seating, and I am ashamed to admit that it is the only time I ever cut in line for anything in my life, just to get closer to the men that I loved. I am not ashamed to admit that, at the age of 21, I screamed like a little girl the entire time.

However, I realized last night that the reason this song, and the other songs by 98°like "Was It Something I Didn't Say", "The Hardest Thing" and "Because of You", melt girl's hearts like butter is because these are four guys you wish you could be with, looking directly into the camera, singing about how special you are and how much it tortures them that they will never be good enough to be with you.

Every time a 98° "Wayback Track" plays, James Dean spins in his grave.

If this ...

... is "the invisible man", who the hell is your boyfriend?!?!

Realistically, these words ...

I wish you'd look at me that way
Your beautiful eyes looking deep into mine
Telling me more than any words could say
But you don't even know I'm alive

... would more likely be uttered by this guy.

How eager are you to "tell all your friends that his kisses taste sweet like wine"?

That's the video that Dustin Diamond should have been in!

Of course, the 98° video that Dustin Diamond, also known as Screech from "Saved By the Bell", was in was "I Do (Cherish You)". I recently told Mark's soon-to-be-sister-in-law Lindsay that I have always liked that song, but I would not be able to make it my wedding song, because I would be thinking of Nick Lachey the whole time!

PS: If Nick is reading this, I totally didn't mean that stuff above ... you know how it is; the fans expect it. FYI: I'm still single: e-mail me!

2008-08-30T15:05:00.003-06:00

I recently heard about a new video game called "ReMISSION". The main character, Roxie, battles cancer and related illnesses such as infection with her chemo blaster and medicine rockets, and in the process, helps young cancer patients deal with and understand their disease. Playing "ReMISSION" has been shown to increase compliance with treatments because patients have a better understanding of their purpose. The game can be purchased or downloaded in English, French or Spanish from the "ReMISSION" website, where there is also an online community for cancer patients and survivors.

Apparently, HopeLab is working on other games to deal with obesity, autism, major depressive disorder and sickle cell anemia.

2008-08-21T19:41:00.006-06:00

I stopped at a drug store to pick up a sympathy card on my way to work last week. As I came around the corner of the card aisle, I encountered two little girls, who were approximately five and seven years old. At the sight of me, they both froze, wide-eyed, like deer in some headlights, likely unsure if I was there to chase them away.

As I began to browse, they resumed doing the same. The younger girl was wordlessly opening each of the the musical cards, then gently placing them back of the shelf and choosing another, despite her sister's whispered protests of "No ... stop ..." and "That's loud ...".

Meanwhile, the older girl was busy at the other rack, where she would chose a card, read it aloud with great fanfare:

"Happy Birthday to cool and classy auntie!"
She would then hold the card out to show her younger sister the picture. They would both give a wordless nod of approval, then move on through the racks.

However, as I continued to shop, the irony quickly became overwhelming. I do not think that the musical card browser intended to open her cards in sync with mine, but it seemed to turn out that way, with sometimes hilarious results.

As you grieve the loss of your mother ...

Celebrate good times, come on!!! Let's celebrate ...
... please know that our thoughts are with you.
I could barely keep from laughing out loud.

As I left, I couldn't resist asking the older one, "Are you two looking for a particular card, or just looking?"

"We're just looking," she said matter-of-factly, seeming quite pleased to be acknowledged, not reprimanded.

I told her I used to like to do the same at her age.

2008-08-17T20:55:00.005-06:00

My most recent practicum student from the College of Nursing was recently doing a presentation on birth control options to the residents of our group home. She had gone through the female hormonal methods and was instructing us on the female barrier methods when the subject of female sterilization came up. One of the girls angrily commented, "Why don't they have a surgery for guys?".

Just as the nursing student was about to explain that there is such a surgery, and she was going to discuss male contraceptive methods after she had covered all of the female ones, another resident piped up, "They do! It's called, 'snipping the penis'".

I had to smile a bit at this, thinking she had probably heard about someone 'getting snipped', but I couldn't help thinking of a doctor explaining the procedure to a man by using this term and getting a pretty lukewarm reception.

She followed her intial comment by adding, "They just cut a piece off of the end of it". We realized that she was referring to circumcision, not a vasectomy. The student and I corrected her, and I sternly added to the whole group that any boy who tells you that a circumcision will prevent you from getting pregnant is a damn liar.

Still, I got a huge laugh out of this, as visions of Lorena Bobbitt danced in my head. I imagined someone laying their penis on a paper cutter, and the doctor saying, "How many children do you and your wife want to have? Three? Okay ... well, this should be more than enough ...".

As my one friend commented, "If that was the way it was done, there'd sure be a lot fewer Jewish people running around!"

PS: I don't know what this picture actually refers to, but I couldn't resist using it.

2008-08-10T23:03:00.005-06:00

Although I couldn't pronounce "Die Roten Punkte" to save my life, it was a favorite of the clients and the staff I took there and I noticed that it was the top seller of the Fringe. I had to agree it had good music and a lot of laughs.

I didn't see the orginal Die Roten Punkte last year, but apparently Astrid, the band's drummer, has been "on vacation" since then (ie: at rehab). Otto, lead guitar and her brother, has her drinking energy drinks which Astrid comments are "not as fun as my old drinks" ... until she spikes them behind the curtain, that is. (Ironically, our group was headed to an NA meeting following our Fringe outing.) I also particularly enjoyed the results of the family counselling that Astrid and Otto have undergone to counteract "harassment in the workplace", forcing them to use "I" statements with each other.

ROCK BANG!!!

Die Roten Punkte - SUPER MUSIKANT
Tobias & Bartholomew
Broadway Theatre
5 stars out of 5

If you're only going to see one Fringe show, make it SUPER MUSIKANT.

The comedic rock cabaret is one of the best shows I've ever seen at the Saskatoon festival.

"German" brother and sister duo Otto and Astrid Rot are at it again, offering another 60 minutes of non-stop entertainment, silliness and laughs. Oh, and they're pretty good musicians, too; they really do rock on those mini drums and guitar.

Die Roten Punkte translates into "The Red Dots," while Super Musikant means "Super Musician." And super they are. Clad in black and red, and sporting white painted faces and bright red lips, the rock stars pumped up Saturday's large crowd by yelling, "Make some noise, Saskatoon." The duo then launched into a song about a Rock 'n' Roll Monster, before showcasing other delightful ditties, including Astrid's Drinking Song, which forced enthusiastic audience members out of their seats.

One of the highlights of the show is the synchronized dance number, where Astrid and Otto show the audience how to be a robot and a lion. Funny dance moves always make me laugh, and Astrid and Otto's are great.

Following last year's highly successful show, buzz is swirling around SUPER MUSIKANT - and rightfully so. Broadway Theatre was nearly filled on Saturday afternoon, and it was one of the largest crowds I've seen at a Fringe play.

The bottom line: Go see this show. You won't be disappointed. It's a hilarious parody of "real" punk rock acts, and you'll snicker at the parallels to The White Stripes.

And like any good rock concert, you can even buy a T-shirt at the end.

© The StarPhoenix (Saskatoon) 2008

2008-08-10T22:18:00.007-06:00

Teaching the Fringe is the first show I have ever seen by Keir Cutler. Apparently, it is different from all of the Fringe shows he has done in the past, in that this show is autobiographical: a response to a three page criticism he received from a Fringe regular in Winnipeg.

As a woman who I do volunteer work with put it, "Just his expression on it's own is worth the money".

I have to agree. Keir would read a line of the letter at a time, then look up in wide-eyed disbelief to the crowd. I am now unable to use the word "however" without the urge to utter it in a sinister tone.

Keir also admitted what most people already subconsciously knew: Fringe actors perform out of a need for attention they, for some reason, did not receive in the past. I often enjoy looking for the "aha" moment in Fringe plays, most of which are autobiographical, at least to some degree, where they talk about their mother running off with the milkman when they were six or some other "secret pain".

Keir's mother had twins when he was two.

However ... I think I will come back in the future to sample more of Keir's work. I don't know what his younger siblings are doing now, but I doubt that they could still be more entertaining than he is.

Teaching the Fringe
Doctor Keir Co.
Off Broadway Arts Centre
4 stars out of 5

Keir Cutler's rejected inner two-year-old desperately needs attention. That's why he acts. And that's why the veteran Fringe performer - who usually receives rave reviews - based his latest play on a less-than-glowing letter from an audience member. Cutler, you see, is sensitive.

From the moment he took the stage it was evident from a chorus of laughter that the audience was familiar with Cutler's work. Having played a crazed priest and a pathetic English teacher in the past, this is the Montreal-based actor's first autobiographical show. The self-described "nut magnet" has established himself as a Fringe circuit favourite for his superb timing, sense of humour and ability to seamlessly tie a serious message into the comedy.

The writer of the letter - a Fringe "expert" who has been to hundreds of shows - is greatly offended by Cutler's Teaching As You Like It, in which his pitiful teacher character falls for a student. She claims it encourages, even teaches, sexual predators how to get to children. The audience reacted with a mixture of laughter and shock as he dissected the three-page criticism.

While it helps to have seen the scorned play in question, Teaching the Fringe can stand on its own. Cutler may have been hurt by the woman's cruel comments - and crueler actions - but he should probably thank her. Without that wildly misguided interpretation of his work, this new play wouldn't exist and his delicate actor's ego wouldn't receive the well-deserved praise it needs.

Culter's crisp, clever sense keeps people coming back every year. If you're not yet a Cutler convert, there's no time to waste.

© The StarPhoenix (Saskatoon) 2008

2008-08-10T21:42:00.005-06:00

Blasphemy! was the second last show of the Fringe, and the last one I saw. One of the main reasons that I picked this show was for the title. Some of my past choices have been Scruplousity and Sacrilicious!, but just like with this play, I liked the title more than the work.

Don't get me wrong: there were things that made me laugh:

I, too, feel that the CBC has "jumped the shark": but hands off "Little Mosque". That is funny and groundbreaking ... racist bastard!
I enjoyed the lesson in talking with my hands, and plan to do so often now that I have been instructed in how to do it properly. Up until now, I was just doing a lot of wild gesturing, but now I have focus and direction. I did not enjoy the introduction to this section, where he promised to "Wop it up a bit": even though he is Italian and I am not ... racist bastard!!
The Lucky Charms leprechan skit - hilarious! However, I refuse to believe that Tony the Tiger's wife "shags like a $2 whore" ... racist bastard!!!

The other thing that attracted me to this play was his love of comic books. Even better, Anthony Trombetta appears to have a love of onomatopoeia in comic books, and included my favorite, a tradmark of your friendly neighbourhood Spiderman:

THWIPP!!!

Anthony closes the show with a letter he wrote to Jesus. This was a bit of a letdown ... even though Jesus writes back and they make a date to go to the fair.

Meh.

Blasphemy!
Jump the Shark Productions
3.5 stars out of 5

Jesus loves Tony, this I know, for the Fringe show told me so.

Actually, it's Anthony Trombetta's wife Erica who loves him. She's just playing Jesus in the 45-minute stand-up/sketch comedy show known as Blasphemy! A twisted and oh-so Canadian look into Trombetta's head.

Spending the past 10 years living in the Yukon has certainly had an affect on the comedian, who touches on the tough questions of Mansbridge vs. Robertson, how to become a Rapture co-coordinator and, the classic, do Care Bear stares hurt? Fortunately, spending all of his 33-years in either "middle-of-nowhere" Ont. or Whitehorse has given Trombetta a hilarious and skewed look on life. Who said living inside your head was bad?

The comic book enthusiast (read: self-professed geek), injects short character comedy sketches between teaching the audience how to speak Italian and reciting letters to Jesus. The result is a solid Fringe comedy that allows the audience to get loose and enjoy. Laugh at what you think is funny, says Trombetta, I won't be offended.

Aside from a laugh-cramp inducing performance, the ticket price is worth it just to encounter the most pleasant Son of God since Ted Neely.

© The StarPhoenix (Saskatoon) 2008

2008-08-10T18:38:00.002-06:00

Giant Invisible Robot from the 2006 Fringe (see my review here) was one of my all time favorites, so I had high hopes for Trashcan Duet, also written by Jayson McDonald.

It was not as good as I'd hoped.

I was curious about the motivation of both of the characters, but I didn't really come to know them or to care about them: especially Stella, who was so intent on pushing Billy away that the rest of us didn't really get to know her either.

Another thing I wish they had explored more was Billy's legal problems, or at least the root of them. He delivered some great defenses in front of the imaginary judge about how he has no time for jail or money for fines because "my mother is probably ill" and about he was sure the guy who owned the Muffler and Shock Shop had needed to "muffle his shock" at the sight of ... what, we are not really sure.

I also nearly had a heart attack at one point in the performance, because I had sent the residents of the group home I run to see this play the day before I saw it. I usually scout the Fringe carefully and ask the performers if they think their play is suitable for teens ... who have their own highly successful drug and prostitution businesses ... but I hadn't had a chance to ask around about this one, and had deemed it "safe" based on it predecessor.

About halfway through, the female lead turns to the male lead and says:

"Why don't you kiss me? ... *kiss* ... Why don't you take off your pants?"Oh my God ... what sort of a play is this?
"Take those off, too .... you're not going to need them".
OH ... MY ... GOD. Steal his pants and run away. Steal his pants and run away. Steal his pants and ...
"Psych!" *steals his pants and runs away laughing*
*huge sigh of relief*

Of course, if the scene had gone the way the male lead likely predicted, it's not as if my clients would be ... strangers ... to that type of a situation: or above shouting out useful tips and techniques to the female lead.

Trash Can Duet
Black Sheep Theatre
Victoria School Attic
4 stars out of 5

Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl. Girl utterly rejects boy. Boy obsessively chases girl to the point of stalking.

Girl - well, telling what the girl does next would ruin the ending.

And this is a show that should not be wrecked for potential audiences.

Trash Can Duet is the story of an courtship reminiscent of Archie and Veronica, Sam and Diane and the Taming of the Shrew - just with more profanity. The "hard to get" angle is tried and true, but this Fringe performance gives it a fresh and edgy twist.

The storyline centres on Stella, the snarly beat poet, and Billy, the loser prone to legal problems. They meet in a coffee shop, where they begin a series of exchanges that are unsuccessful for Billy, but highly entertaining for the crowd.

These are well-drawn characters getting themselves in a mess most of us find familiar. And it is all performed with engaging simplicity and acumen.

Watching Stella verbally smack Billy around is a pleasure. The chemistry between actors Michael Showler and Adrienne McGrath creates a fantastic tension. Showler takes a guy who could simply be a pitiful loser and makes the crowd root for his success.

Bursts of poetry from McGrath's character are a highlight. The poems are sharp, fun and useful in showing Stella is more than a bitter, coffee-swilling tease.

The Fringe guidebook refers to this as a comic drama, which is somewhat misleading. Consider it heavy on the comic. But Trash Can Duet should be considered, period, by festival-goers this year.

© The StarPhoenix (Saskatoon) 2008

2008-08-10T18:22:00.002-06:00

We Is Blunderstruck got a great review both from the newspaper and from Natasha and Gordie, but I was pretty disappointed.

I have to say, I've been to funnier funerals ... and shorter ones.

(My pastor is a real laugh riot, so that sounds like more of a condemnation than it really is. He usually opens up a funeral service by saying, "I know what you're all thinking, and the answer is, 'about 45 minutes'". This was 60.)

Blunderstruck had it's moments - one of them being when the urn gets kicked over during the end of a rock version of "Amazing Grace" - but they were separated with a lot of awkward fumbling that went beyond the comical and made you actually wonder, "When is this going to be over?".

We Is Blunderstruck
Press Play Players
Broadway Theatre
4.5 stars out of 5

Saskatoon's Press Play Players are back with a show that delivers more blunder and improved struck.

We Is Blunderstruck is essentially the same show that stormed the 2006 Fringe. More shtick has been added to make it an hour long.

That begins with the band, Blunderstruck, an inept bunch of rockers, weaving their way through the audience.

They're there for the funeral of band friend and fan, Mel. The amusing interaction and awkward sharing of condolences quickly sets the tone for the show.

As the funeral is about to start, the band learns that Father Ed is unable to attend. This results in Blunderstruck (Pitstop Pete, Doorstop Dave and Truckstop Trevor) being forced to conduct the funeral. As the saying goes, hilarity ensues.

It all begins with processional bells that instead become AC/DC's Hell's Bells.

The Blunderstruck members definitely are not choirboys and so we watch the most irreverent, sidesplitting memorial unfold. There's a rocking version of Amazing Grace, a reading of a 'pah-salm' and an amazing tribute in Latin from Truckstop Trevor (because his mom is Latin).

At each point in the ceremony, just when you think it can't get funnier or more flippant, the Blunderstruck boys find a way to crank up even more laughs.

The tunes are equally enjoyable. As clownish as they are, these three guys can really rock. They end the funeral in fine foot-stomping, hand-clapping fashion.

Mel would have been happy.

© The StarPhoenix (Saskatoon) 2008

2008-08-10T12:38:00.010-06:00

Natasha, Gordie, Jerome and Randee went to the Fringe Preview Night last week, and on the way out, Randee remarked to Natasha, "I want to see Nuts! and Balls!".

No, this was not a Freudian slip, although you never know with my penis ... er, my mother ... I mean, Randee.

Balls!, a product of Ten Foot Pole Productions, was written, acted in and directed by Rob Salerno. Adam Goldhamer, who also acted in this play, co-founded a production company called Purple Duck Films.

I read "Duck" wrong initially ... that was a Freudian slip.

Incidentally, the name "Goldhamer" also seemed dirty to me, even though I know it isn't. Once your mind gets on that track, it's hard to get off ...

Oh, man.

"Hard"?

"Get off"?

*sigh*

Anyway ...

Salerno and Goldhamer play Paul and 'Bastian (short for Sebastian), two life-long friends who are both diagnosed with testicular cancer over a period of several years. A woman waiting in the line up for Nuts criticized Balls! due to how statistically unlikely tecticular cancer is to happen to both of them. Testicular cancer strikes about six in 100,000 males in Canada each year.

Obviously, she has never heard of artistic licence ... or seen the prequel, Smoking Under High Tension Wires Behind the Nuclear Plant!.

According to the website, Rob Salerno was inspired to write Balls! due to losing a close friend to testicular cancer as a college student, so the play does have some basis in reality ... making the ending even tougher to take.

I'm not sure if it is because my first choice for a grad escort could not take me due to his own brush with testicular cancer a few months before age 18, the fact my current best friend is a man or because stories of friendship always "get me", but Balls! reduced me to tears. I felt like a bit of a fool being a woman ... at a play about testicular cancer ... by herself ... crying... but Balls! was definitely one of the best shows I saw at this year's Fringe.

Jeers to the jerk who forgot to turn off their cellphone, and interupted the tearful epilogue with a polyphonic version of Scott Joplin's "The Entertainer"!

(Cheers to my mom who was able to identify this piece from my off-key humming over the telephone: although, she referred to it as "The Sting". It turns out that my Great Aunt Mary Ellen had the sheet music and had been quite proud of her ability to play it.)

And as for my would-be grad escort ...

... proof that, as Salerno put it on the t-shirts he was selling after the show:

"A REAL MAN ONLY NEEDS ONE".

Nuts! Ten Commandments From the Psych Ward is comedy and performance poetry by Rob Gee, a Fringe vetern and former psychiatric nurse. This is the first show of Rob Gee's that I have seen, but I would likely return in the future to see him again.

I nearly fell of my chair laughing quite a few times. One of my favorite parts was in one of the final scenes, when Rob angrily ranted a laundry list of things that clients could do in order to get over their struggles and get out of his face ... but ended off with a sweet smile and the wish, "But don't give up: I'm really rooting for you!".

I can relate ... and wish I could get a copy!

I did find Rob's accent a bit hard to understand, especially since he speaks so rapidly at times. For example, he told us to imagine walking through the forest and seeing a "bear" and a "key". I ended up imagining a "bed" and a "king". People who don't enjoy the black humor that medical and mental health workers employ might be a bit shocked by some of the stories, but I loved them. My favorite commandement was, "Thou shalt not kill ... thyself while I'm on duty".

Unfortunately, I saw both of these shows on their last performance in Saskatoon, but I heartily recommend them to anyone from Edmonton or Vancouver, where the Fringe is headed next!

Nuts! Ten Commandments From the Psych Ward
Rob Gee
Victoria School Gym
3.5 stars out of 5

Do you think your job is crazy? Rob Gee has some stories to tell you.

The Fringe favourite returns with an all-new show: Nuts! Ten Commandments From the Psych Ward. Gee gladly recounts his career as a psychiatric nurse.

To help the audience, he smartly divides the play into 10 segments or, as he calls them, his commandments. There are rules such as, "if you're right, don't rub it in," "love thy psyche as thyself," and "do not kill thyself while on duty."

Gee recounts personal details from his career to demonstrate the need for the rules. While the anecdotes may shock and are delivered with some very colourful language, the tales are smart, stoic and increasingly funny.

There are numerous bits worth mentioning, such as how to make yourself more slapable, how telling someone to calm down always has the opposite effect, and how Gee came to heroically consider himself Psych Man.

The show is what audiences have come to expect from the Brit comic and performance poet. His words flow out fast and are punctuated with broad humour.

I did feel that Nuts, being a newer play, required some more polishing. Gee checked his watch a few more times than necessary and also referred to a bit from a previous day's show that was cut. Both of these tended to spoil the illusion of an otherwise good show.
© The StarPhoenix (Saskatoon) 2008

Balls!
Ten Foot Pole productions
Venue: Broadway Theatre
3.5 stars out of 5

You'd be nuts to miss this one. OK, half nuts.

Magnificent acting propels this play about two lifelong pals with much more in common than they'd like. Balls! weaves together adolescent humour, teary earnestness and brilliant performances to make a sensitive topic come across less like a Public Service Announcement than it might.

That said, it gets a bit preachy at times and tossing out a scrotum joke as a counterbalance only serves to underscore the pushing of the message.

Still, it's an impotent, er . . . important topic that needs to be discussed, even if it makes the men in the audience squirm.

When Paul gets testicular cancer at age 19, he and buddy Bastian embark on an uncomfortable coming-of-age journey that skewers masculinity, competition, spirituality and life's low blows.

"On the plus side," Paul discovers about having to get a testicle removed, "if you ever get kicked in the nads now, it only hurts half as much."

The emotional odyssey takes a poke at masturbation, virginity, the defectiveness of the one-ball man, the pulverizing effects of chemotherapy and radiation and the ultimate bargain with God.

"I asked that he take you instead," Paul tells Bastian.

Rob Salerno (Paul) wrote the play as a memorial to a friend who died in 2004 from testicular cancer.

Salerno and Adam Goldhamer (Bastian) should be proud of their touching testimony, but it could benefit from being a bit shorter. With about 15 minutes - and some excess mo-fo jokes - taken out of the 60-minute show, the pace would be much better. And no one would notice their smaller Balls!

© The StarPhoenix (Saskatoon) 2008

2008-08-10T00:14:00.013-06:00

Here is the Star Phoenix review of the same performance of Mr. Fox that I saw!

Mr. Fox
Chipped Paint Productions
The BackStage Stage
3 stars out of 5

Greg Landucci had the audience roaring with laughter on Saturday night as he offered a behind-the-scenes look at life as a rock radio station mascot.
In his one-man show, Landucci plays several characters with ease - including a female co-worker. But he's at his best as the main character, a wannabe on-air personality who tries to break into the radio industry by taking a job as CFOX's Mr. Fox (apparently the coolest mascot in Vancouver).

Landucci asks the question, "What do you think about mascots?" To be honest, I hadn't thought about them much, but now I'll empathize with them as they entertain the masses in hot weather and endure insults from members of the crowd. The show continually emphasizes the human being behind the costume, and you can't help but identify with Landucci's pride, angst and disgust at becoming Mr. Fox.

There's laughs to be had throughout the show, including when Mr. Fox goes bungee jumping, visits a bar, feels sick on a fair ride and has a run-in with a chicken. Landucci wants the crowd to like his protagonist, and his earnestness shines through.

Landucci wrote Mr. Fox, which is directed by Fringe legend TJ Dawe. Landucci is an energetic performer, but his rapid-fire dialogue can be a bit tough to follow, and he stumbled over his lines a little on Saturday.

At 65 minutes, Mr. Fox is also a tad too long - 10 or 15 minutes could be shaved from the show and the audience would still walk away satisfied.

Still, if you're looking for an entertaining, light-hearted play, Mr. Fox may be the Fringe show for you.

© The StarPhoenix (Saskatoon) 2008

When I first read this review, I thought that the "run in with a chicken" referred to someone's rooster-crowing cellphone ringtone that went off unexpectedly: it doesn't.

Right after going to see Mr. Fox, the McDonald's commercial began to air where the kids are all talking about what they want to be and the one kid says he wants to be a mascot. I always think of the play when I see it.

I ran into Greg in the audience of Trashcan Duet, and again greeted him by pretending we are friends with a hearty wave and "Hey, Greg!" which I chose to follow up with a somewhat unexpected, "You scared the hell out of me the other day!".

Because 1) Greg does not really know me and 2) I don't get that, he wasn't sure what I was talking about, so I reminded him of his excessive shaking of me the week before. He asked me, "Did I hurt you?" then said, "Thanks for coming" and went to sit down.

However, the way he said it was how you greet people at a funeral. It made me wonder how bad that venue had been for crowds, because I had been expecting:

"Gee whiz! Thanks for coming to my show!"

or even

"Wassup! Great seeing you!"

but it felt more like

"It means a lot to me, and to my mother, that you could make the trip down."

I hope that both he and Barry have better luck in Edmonton and Vancouver with reviews and venues.

2008-08-02T23:11:00.004-06:00

Tonight, Natasha and I hit the Fringe together, and took in Greg's play.

Mr. Fox is absolutely hilarious!

Before the show, I asked Natasha if she thought Greg would don a fox suit or head as part of the performance. It turned out that he didn't use any costuming or any props other than a chair and a portable stereo: he didn't need them.

He probably could have used some Ritalin.

Greg threw himself into the role of Mr. Fox with such enthusiasm that I could have sworn his hands had swollen into giant cartoon mittens. The show opened with him running in from the back to interact with the crowd: the first lucky volunteer being me, who he grabbed by the shoulder and waved at about six inches from my face so violently that I felt like he was shaking me. I pretty much reacted by giggling uncontrolably and curling into the fetal positon.

If it hadn't been Greg, I probably would have screamed ... or peed.

Just the minute before that, I noticed that seating was becoming scarce and thought, "I am NOT moving my purse from the seat next to me!". That's karma for you ...

In the last minutes of the play, Greg mentions tearing off his mascot head in an emergency, and actually managed to get a gasp from someone in the crowd: one of the cardinal mascot rules is to NEVER remove your head in public. My only criticism of the performanace was that both Natasha and I mistaked Greg's impression of the female station manager for an effeminate gay man.

Mr. Fox is even better than Dishpig! Don't miss it!!!

Greg's remaining shows are:
Tuesday, August 5th at 2PM
Wednesday, August 6th at 4PM
Thursday, August 7th at 6PM
Friday, August 8th at 8PM

2008-08-02T00:17:00.007-06:00

As I drove home from The Fringe, I noticed a bunch of people sitting around in lawn chairs on the lawn of a house on 12th Street, probably drinking, with a lemonade stand.

Adults... with their own lemonade stand. Conformity kept me on the path to my house, sans-lemonade, but full of curiousity:

Do they sell actual lemonade, or "lemonade"?

Would they laugh at me if I stopped the car and asked for lemonade?

Are their kids actually the lemonade sellers, but they've just gone to bed already?

Why didn't I ever think of doing something like this during the Fringe?

If I did, would these people stop their car?

To laugh at me?

What the hell is their problem anyway?

Those cocky bastards ...

2008-08-01T23:00:00.012-06:00

This is my third year of blogging about my impressions of the Saskatoon Fringe, and my friend Natasha's third year of "fostering" Fringe performers. This year, her billet is the same person who she had last year: Barry Smith, of Jesus in Montana and this year's American Squatter.

I read the review of Barry's play in today's Star Phoenix, but had already been planning on seeing it because 1) Barry is staying with Natasha and 2) I liked last year's show.

A TRIP FROM SPOTLESS TO FILTHY
Joanne Paulson, The StarPhoenix
Published: Friday, August 01, 2008
American Squatter
Aspen Comedy Works
The Backstage Stage

Rating: 3

Retrospect is much easier when you have albums full of photos and reels full of video memories.

Barry Smith has compiled his into a history of rebellion, starting in the Mississippi Delta, flowing through Southern California, and then on to London, England . . . where the squatting really happened.

The Colorado storyteller's father was a clean freak, so much so that his sons spent every weekend scouring the family home. Eventually, escape came in the form of skateboarding, punk rock, too much LSD -- and finally, a bizarre trip overseas.

Every point in Smith's journey is accompanied by those visual family memories: Babyhood pix, skating videos, dad obsessively cleaning up Christmas wrap. The pictures of squatting with strangers in London are quite, well, disgusting. This trip, as he points out, travels from spotless to filthy, and is accompanied by a mild epiphany to tie it all together.

Smith can tell stories, although you are always hoping to find a wider point. The multi-media presentation saves Smith from having to add blocking. Fortunately, his verbal delivery is interesting, if not riveting.

Self-absorption does achieve critical mass, as Smith points out himself -- but the monologue manages not to replicate the anguish of a too-long-tale told by your airplane seat mate.

© The StarPhoenix (Saskatoon) 2008

Barry gave a good performance again this year, and I'm looking forward to his next multi-media monologue: Barry Smith's Baby Book: A Grown-Up Comedy About Stuff. The one thing that really strikes me about Barry is, for a guy who was perpetually high and transient for many years, he has sure kept some copious records. You'd think things would get lost and forgotten, or the guy just wouldn't bother.

Apparently, I am not the only one:

Often, after a performance of my multi-media comedies "Jesus In Montana" and "American Squatter," people will ask me, "Who saves that stuff?" They're referring to all the old family photos and videos and audio recordings and other miscellaneous items and objects that project on a screen during the show.

At first I didn't understand this question. I mean, doesn't EVERYONE save this stuff? How could you not?

I started saving stuff at an early age. One day I came home from first grade to find that my mother had thinned out my rapidly growing collection of "See Spot Run" papers. She did this by taking them out back and burning them. This was the Mississippi Delta in the early 70s, and that's how people dealt with trash - they took it out back and burned it.

I was devastated. I still am. I vowed on that day to never throw anything away, to spend my life building a grand collection of stuff, thus allowing me to fully know myself. Some men are known by their deeds. I, it seems, prefer to be known by my stuff.

The closest I came to anarchy today was parking my car infront of the "ROAD CLOSED" sign on 19th in front of the theatre ... but even this caused me a large amount of anxiety I would emerge to find a weighty ticket or my car towed. Only the greater fear of ridicule by the Fringe volunteers who assured me everyone was parking every where and my total laziness and cheapness stopped me from parking on the street or in a pay area.

I also ran into Natasha's former "foster performer", Greg Landucci, who was in Saskatoon in 2006 with his play Dishpig, and is back after a year of touring other Fringe festival cities to present Mr. Fox. As long as Greg never runs out of crappy job experiences, he is set for life for material.

I plan on seeing Greg's show, too, because 1) Greg stayed with Natasha, 2) Greg once bought me liquor and 3) if Mr. Fox is anything like Dishpig, it will be really funny.

Because Greg once bought me liquor, I greeted him with a warm, "Hey, Greg! How have you been?". Once I told him who I was, we got re-aquainted ... not that we really ever knew each other to begin with.
Good times!

Greg and Barry are both at The Backstage Stage (a.k.a.: The Persephone Theatre). It gave me a chance to check out the new building, but as a Fringe venue, it is apparently pretty crappy, because the performers are so far away from the other plays, the buskers and the crowds.

Barry's remaining shows are:
Saturday, August 2nd at 6PM
Sunday, August 3rd at 2PM
Monday, August 4th at 4PM
Wednesday, August 6th at 8PM
Friday, August 8th at 6 PM
Saturday, August 9th at 2 PM

Greg's remaining shows are:
Saturday, August 2nd at 8PM
Sunday, August 3rd at 12PM
Tuesday, August 5th at 2PM
Wednesday, August 6th at 4PM
Thursday, August 7th at 6PM
Friday, August 8th at 8PM

2008-08-01T21:51:00.004-06:00

I was recently the baptism sponsor for both my friend Mark's future sister-in-law, Lindsay, and his very first niece, Ella. I had been helping Lindsay get ready for baptism for a few months, but being Ella's godmother was a last minute, but very exciting, honor for me.

The same weekend Ella and Lindsay were getting baptized, I was also putting on a baby shower for them. In addition to the two baptism cakes - a white cake shaped like a cross and a chocolate cake shaped like a Bible, complete with a Fruit by the Foot bookmark - and the preparations for the shower, which included a fruit tray, a vegetable tray, cheese, crackers, two kinds of dip, three kinds of sausage and a homemade from scratch chocolate chip cheesecake, not to mention decorations, folding chairs, and games with prizes, I was also spending 16 hours a day the five days prior with my clients on a camping trip at Beaver Creek.

If you have ever been on vacation with a teenager, or been a teenager on vacation, you know that:

Teenagers never find anything that you find fun to be "fun".
If teenagers ever find anything that you find fun to be "fun", they would rather die than admit to you that they are having "fun".
Teenager's entire mission on any vacation is to take any "fun" that you are having and crush it beneath the sole of their shoe. Hard.

However, they needn't have worried, because I was having as lousy a time as anyone, trying to referee their disputes, driving people to appointments and summer jobs and worrying about the crushing weight of my own social calender.

"So, why did you even take them?" Mark's mother asked me.

"Well, because it's just so much fun," I told her from between gritted teeth.

In light of all of this, I decided that I needed a new outfit ... possibly two ... because I didn't have enough to do.

I tend to prefer a lot of black, especially when it comes to dressing up. That means that I am usually pretty set for funerals, but somehow, I didn't feel it was appropriate for a double baptism: not only was it the middle of July, but, look at this sweet, sweet face!

Let me tell you: a cause for celebration if I've ever seen one! I always joke that my eyes are like a Siren's song, but I have met my match in Ella: I see babies all day, every day, but there is something about her. I nearly ruined every picture, because I couldn't break her spell long enough to look at the camera!

On my way back to the city after the baby shower in Warman ... soaked to the skin due to loading my car in a downpour ... that I drove faster than so that everyone in Saskatoon probably wondered, "What's up with her?" ... 16 hours away from "splash down" ... totally plauged with doubt that I can be an appropriate role model for such an sweet, perfect, innocent creature as Ella ... I found myself running around Pennington's like a crazy woman, fifteen minutes from closing, grabbing anything that might be my size for a last minute try-on.

They day before, I'd been at Winner's at closing time. When the salesgirl refused to let me try on "just these four shirts" because "we're closed", I began angrily putting them on over my clothes in the midst of the aisle and calling out to random shoppers, "Hey! How does this look?".

Today, I'd planned a little better, and the store was also somewhat more charitable, saying I didn't need to rush. "That's okay," I told them, "I'm just going to buy this white skirt".

However, when I arrived at the till, the salegirl informed me, "Ma'am? Is this the skirt you wanted to buy?".

When I said, "yes", she politely informed me, "Ma'am ... this is not a skirt. This is a halter top".

"A halter top?" I said in disbelief.

She pointed out several manequins sporting my "skirt", and said, "See? It has this built in bra".

"I thought that was a tummy panel!" I said.

She politely said that she had never thought about it that way, but it could be used as a tummy panel, and I could wear it as a skirt if I really wanted to and no one would probably ever know ... except for the fact a bra is meant to accentuate what is inside it, while a tummy panel is meant to do the opposite.

I bought the thing more out of embarassment and desperation then anything, and headed outside ... just as the torrential rainstorm caught up to me.

I did wear my "skirt" the next day: under a sweater.

2008-07-19T19:07:00.002-06:00

In the song, "You Oughta Know" by Alanis Morrisette, when she sings:

It was a slap in the face
How quickly I was replaced
And are you thinking of me when you %$#@ her?

isn't it more likely that he has been thinking of her while %$#@ing you?

2008-07-01T20:24:00.007-06:00

Homemakers magazine recently polled their readers and published a list of the 100 best things about Canada:

Multiculturalism
The landscape
The Canadian character
Our changing seasons
Freedom
Health Care
Hockey
Fresh water
The Rocky Mountains
Tim Hortons
Culinary variety
Maple syrup
Poutine
Beef
Beer
Seafood
Back bacon
Nanaimo bars
Fresh produce
Saskatoon berries
Wines
Butter tarts
Farmer's markets
Icewine
Beavertails
Fiddleheads
Smarties
The Canadian flag
The maple leaf
The beaver
Brightly coloured bills and unique coins
The RCMP
The national anthem
Parliament Hill
National and provincial parks
Niagra Falls
The oceans
Fresh air
Caring about the environment
Northern lights
Algonquin Park
Beaches
The Trans-Canada highway
Skiing
Canoeing
Cottage country
Wildlife
Polar bears
Canada geese
The loon
Snow
Autumn
Diversity in history and heritage
Bilingualism
Our First Nations
Canadian spelling
Family
Saying "eh"
Canadian comedy
Canadian literature
Local talent
Canada Day fireworks
CBC radio and TV
Homemakers magazine (surprise, surprise ...)
Terry Fox
Mr. Dressup
Pierre Elliot Trudeau
A prime minister who apologizes
David Suzuki
Mike Myers
Musicians
Emily Carr
Talented artists and their supporters
The Group of Seven
Education
Our military
Order and citizenship
Democracy
The economy
Pensions
Transportation
Clean roads and cities
Safety
Peace
Opportunities
Quebec City
13 provinces and territories
The Rideau Canal
The CN Tower
Toronto
Calgary Stampede
Free multicultural events
The prairies
Ottawa
Vancouver
Muskoka
British Columbia
Pineapple Crush
Elk jams
Ketchup chips

2008-06-24T23:41:00.003-06:00

And now for something completely different ...!

My brother alerted me to this female version of "Dick in a Box".

Just like the original, sort of catchy, but you don't want anyone to catch you humming it!

2008-06-15T00:12:00.007-06:00

I watched Pollyanna with Haley Mills this weekend. I haven't seen it for awhile, but I used to watch it quite frequently in high school. This was one of my favorite scenes. When my parents were not home, my brother and I used to crank the TV all the way up and listen to Reverend Ford "sermonize something fierce", then crack up the whole time. Obviously, we were not too concerned about the actual message he was preaching, or we probably wouldn't have been rolling on the carpet with giggles.

It's a wonder I started going to church if this was my expectation ... but then again, DEATH COMES UNEXPECTEDLY!!!

2008-06-12T22:46:00.005-06:00

On April 3, 2008, Donnie Wahlberg told CNN that The New Kids on the Block had reunited, they were recording an album of new material, and they were planning to tour.

Really.

I haven't heard NKOTB's newest release, so I'm not judging them on their ability to make music. If "Step By Step" and "The Right Stuff" is any indication, they will still be "totally awesome" ...

NOT!!!

I listened to your music, watched your cartoon show and played with your dolls with friends. I was also twelve. Now I'm 30, and you range in age from 36 to 41. Isn't the point of being a boy band to be ... boys?

Fine, get back together ... but why keep the same name? You're not "new" and you're certainly not "kids"!

Forget about "Oh oh, oh oh oh!"; "uh oh!" says it all!

2008-06-12T18:21:00.007-06:00

As much as I frequently make fun of current children's programming, my generation had our fair share of bad examples, such as Sesame's Street's Don Music: the poster boy for shame and self-loathing.

Who can forget his classic line,

"Oh, I'll never get it right! NEVER! NEVER! NEVER!!!"

which, of course, was always punctuated by banging his head against the keys of his piano. There's a lesson every parents wants their kid to learn ...

That poor guy always looked like he was barely holding it together, even when he did manage to piece together some rhyming lyrics, but we loved to laugh at his pain even more than at that guy who always fell down the stairs with dozens of pies. Even worse, no one else ever offered Don Music the advice that "if at first you don't succeed, try again" or "doing your best is all that matters".

Don stopped doing new material after his creator, Richard Hunt, died in 1992 and because parents were complaining that kids were imitating his defeatist headbanging at home.

However, Don Music left us with such gems as "Mary Had a Bicycle", "Can You Tell Me How to Get To Yellowstone Park", "Whistle, Whistle Little Bird" and "Drive, Drive, Drive Your Car".

This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you ...

2008-05-27T21:18:00.009-06:00

Today, in the car, I was listening to my new praise and worship CD, when a familiar song came on: "Come, Now Is The Time To Worship". I suddenly really listened to the lyrics:

Come, now is the time to worship!
Come, now is the time to give your heart!
Come, now is the time to worship!
Come, now is the time to give your heart!
Come ...

One day every tongue will confess You are God!
One day every knee will bow!
Still, the greates treasure remains for those
Who glady choose You now!

But that's not true ... is it?

His father came out and entreated him, but he answered his father, "Look, these many years I have served you, and I never disobeyed your command, yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours came, who has devoured your property with prostitutes, you killed the fattened calf for him!" And he said to him, "Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. It was fitting to celebrate and be glad, for this your brother was dead, and is alive; he was lost, and is found." - Luke 15:28-32

The workers who were hired about five in the afternoon came and each received a denarius. So when those came who were hired first, they expected to receive more. But each one of them also received a denarius. When they received it, they began to grumble against the landowner. "These men who were hired last worked only one hour," they said, "and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the work and the heat of the day." But he answered one of them, "Friend, I am not being unfair to you. Didn't you agree to work for a denarius? Take your pay and go. I want to give the one who was hired last the same as I gave you. Don't I have the right to do what I want with my own money? Or are you envious because I am generous?" - Matthew 20:9-

Just so, I tell you, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance. - Luke 15:7

Thinking I had discovered some glaring works-righteous error, I went to talk with my pastor about my "discovery". He knew what I was going to ask before I was done speaking and said that he had seen Brian Doerksen, the writer of the song, speak about these lyrics at Breakforth. Apparently, Brian Doerksen is constantly asked that question (and, my pastor said, is a bit bitter about it!).

For more about the actual meaning behind "Come, Now is the Time to Worship", see below:

Worship leader Brian Doerksen's signature song was birthed out of the darkest season of his life
By Lindsay Terry

Brian Doerksen was born into a Christian family in a very musical home, just outside of Vancouver, British Columbia. At first, he wasn't interested in living for God. But when he was 15, he says, "I heard the Lord saying, 'Give Me your whole life.' And I said yes."

Soon he developed "this incredible hunger to serve God through music." He became the full-time music minister at a Vineyard Church, in British Columbia, and discovered a gift for songwriting. His most famous composition to date came in the summer of 1997, during a time that he describes as "the darkest and lowest season of my life."

When Brian and a team of investors lost more than $1 million in a failed ministry project, Brian and his wife, Joyce, lost their house. And Brian fell into a deep depression. Hoping to regroup, Brian moved his family to England and became the worship pastor of South-west London Vineyard, but life dealt another blow when he and Joyce discovered that three of their six children had a condition called Fragile X Syndrome, a form of mental retardation.

"One morning, I went for a prayer walk, to pour out my heart to God," he says. "As I was walking, I heard as clear as a bell, 'Come, now is the time to worship … ' I thought, Wow! The call of worship is being sounded all of the time and in all kinds of ways. I was sweating, and walking, and singing that line over and over again, just sensing God's nearness." Back at home, he ran upstairs and sat down at the piano. "I took a pad and began to write everything I could think of concerning the call to worship. Suddenly, I realized that God's call to worship doesn't come only to those who have it 'all together.' It comes to all of us." That epiphany gave birth to "Come, Now Is the Time to Worship," a song that Brian says "became like wings to lift me up from those shadows that had almost engulfed me."

Within weeks of teaching the song to his congregation, he began hearing reports of other churches singing it. Purely by word of mouth, the song made its way to churches around the world. Brian recorded the song in 1998, and it has since become one of the most popular modern praise songs.

Now back at home in Canada, Brian says: "I believe God wants us to come and worship just the way we are, though when true worship happens we don't stay the way we are."

Copyright © 2005 by the author or Christianity Today International/Today's Christian magazine

2008-05-25T18:12:00.005-06:00

I visited a website today called The Story of Stuff that talks about the materials economy and the effect our consumerism is having on the planet. The video is twenty minutes long, but well worth watching.

2008-05-24T09:43:00.004-06:00

It was announced last week that Season 17 of Survivor will be held in Gabon, Africa. Thus far, the show has also been set in Kenya, China, Malaysia, Thailand, Australia, Cook Islands, Fiji, Marquesas, Palau, Vanuatu, Guatemala, Panama and Brazil.

Will we ever see Survivor: Arctic? Likely not: parkas don't have the same ratings appeal that bikinis do, although frostbite can be pretty entertaining. However, I think it would be a real challenge to endure even 40 days in northern Saskatchewan in mid-winter.

The best thing about this concept would be seeing the following senario play out at least once if not multiple times:

"Hey ... we're voting Robert out tonight."

"What the &@%$!!! I AM ROBERT!!!"

2008-05-19T22:17:00.003-06:00

I am not a huge reality TV fan, but lately, the show I never miss is Farmer Wants a Wife on The CW. My mom heard about it from one of her friends. Basically, it is a country version of "The Bachelor".

Now gather round, and lend ya ear
I got the tale of a man I want ya to hear
His land and cattle and chickens abound
But this good ol' boy ain't got no lady around!

So enter ten gals who're running from the city
Coming to the country lookin' mighty pretty
The courtin' begins on this fair day
But only one will finally say,

They've come to try the country life
'Cause this farmer wants a wife!

Nothing says "country living" like rapping.

I had my doubts, but curiousity got the better of me, and now I'm hooked: partially because I get a laugh out of the ten girls who are afraid of chickens and walk around in spike heels, and partially because no farmer - single or married - from my town ever looked like this guy!

2008-05-17T19:01:00.003-06:00

I'm famous ... to a very select and few number of people!

I subscribe to RELEVANT magazine, and recently was asked to give my opinions for an upcoming article on seven social issues: war, consumerism, culture, faith, homosexuality, injustice and politics. I was e-mailed a list of questions and asked to reply with my answers, and I did so ... after telling them that I was having a hard time answering because the way they posed the questions seemed to have some underlying bias:

ex: "How should Christians respond to the sin of homosexuality?"

ex: "Republicans support war. Democrats support abortion. Who should a Christian vote for?"

Despite my criticism of them and their article, they still published two of my comments in the online bonus section: albeit, not on homosexuality or politics ...

Faith: What Is the Biggest Problem Facing the Church Today?

I think one of the biggest problems facing the Church today is a hesitation to talk openly about one's faith, especially outside the church community. It has nearly become taboo to be religious, and many people keep their faith hidden outside of their church peer group due to embarrassment or fear of offending others. Christians need to adopt a non-judgmental attitude about others' beliefs, but also not be afraid to admit their own.

Consumerism: How Do We Escape the Excesses of Culture?

Money itself is not "the root of all evil"; love of money is. It is not a sin to have possessions, but it is how you use your resources which matters most. Society today is extremely materialistic. This can not only can lead people to spend on themselves rather than give to the Church or direct some resources to those in need, but also cause us to consume at a greater rate, which negatively effects our stewardship of the environment. We are called to be stewards, not consumers. Money, work and possessions can easily become false idols if they become our primary focus.

To read the rest of the online commentary, click here.

2008-05-13T19:19:00.004-06:00

I was talking with one of my clients about the book On Death and Dying, and she suddenly said she had heard all of this before ... on "Robot Chicken".

Take that, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross!

2008-05-12T19:32:00.002-06:00

Thanks to Marjorie Ingerman,
who told me about this song by Lost and Found!!!

"The Lutherans Song" was commissioned for the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America national youth gathering.

2008-05-06T01:50:00.007-06:00

Stephen Colbert recently interviewed Stanford psychologist Philip Zimbardo about his new book, The Lucifer Effect. (My two biggest passions - psychology and theology - combined!) I have been trying to find a working video clip for this interview, so if you see one, send me the link. The best I could do was to copy the transcript below. This aired on "The Colbert Report" on February 11, 2008. My favorite part of this interview is Colbert's closing retort: if that shows up on a t-shirt, I am totally getting one (despite Natasha's very good point: "But ... where would you wear it?")!!!

Stephen: My guest tonight is a professor at Stanford University who wrote The Lucifer Effect: Understanding How Good People Turn Evil. But is he here, or is his evil twin? Please welcome Philip Zimbardo!

I’ve gotta say, with a name like “Dr. Zimbardo” and that goatee, you could be your evil twin!

Zimbardo: I actually brought you a present from Stanford: a Lucifer T-shirt.

Stephen: A Lucifer — Now, is this their mascot at Stanford?

Zimbardo: Ah, yeah. It could be. Now, Lucifer was God’s favorite angel –

Stephen: He was the Light Bearer.

Zimbardo: He disobeyed God and he became the Devil.

Stephen: He disobeyed God and became the Devil. So, therefore, I guess what you’re saying is that, to be good, you must obey authority.

Zimbardo: Ah, that’s what the authorities tell us.

Stephen: Yes. That’s what this authority tells you.
What is the “Lucifer Effect”?

Zimbardo: The “Lucifer Effect” is just that, the reason I titled it that is we’re interested in ordinary people that get caught up in new situations and slowly, over time, go down that slippery slope.

Stephen: Now, you have an interesting experiment here that you did at Stanford University; tell, tell the kids out there what happened to twenty-four students at Stanford.

Zimbardo: It’s a very simple experiment where you put good kids in a bad situation, kids we chose because they were normal and healthy, randomly flipped a coin: guards and prisoners. And in less than five days, we had to end the study. The ‘guards’ got into their role so extremely that they began to psychologically abuse their ‘prisoners’, all the way to sexual degradation of the kind we saw at Abu Ghraib.

Stephen: This could happen to anybody; is this just the United States, you’re saying, or anywhere in the world this could happen?

Zimbardo: There was one kid from Canada.

Stephen: [laughing] Oh, well. There’s — well, that blows the experiment! That is, there’s your bad apple; right there!

Zimbardo: [laughing] No, it could happen to anybody. It could happen anywhere, to almost anybody. There’s a small group of people who resist the pressure to conform, to comply.

Stephen: Are you saying that you should not conform, to be good?

Zimbardo: You shouldn’t conform mindlessly. And you shouldn’t obey authority — unjust authority.

Stephen: But how do you know what authority is just or not? I mean, you do what people tell you to do ...

Zimbardo: Wrong.

Stephen: ... who are in power, and then you have to trust that that was the right thing to do. What else is society based on?

Zimbardo: It’s based on being mindful and doing critical thinking. Because a lot of authority is unjust, a lot of orders are wrong orders –

Stephen: If they were unjust, they wouldn’t be authorities. I mean, like, I tell these people to do all kinds of crazy things. And they know, they know it’s the right thing to do because I told them to do it. Are you saying that they’re evil?

Zimbardo: Only in this situation. See, the whole point is, we underestimate the power of social situations. We think everything comes from within us, that we are born with good or bad genes, we have good or bad personality characteristics –

Stephen: Garden of Eden.

Zimbardo: Absolutely.

Stephen: That’s where, that’s where Good and Evil started.

Zimbardo: Why did the Devil make Adam and Eve eat the apple?

Stephen: Because he disobeyed the authority of God! He was non-conformist, doin’ his own thing, lettin’ it all hang out, did not want to serve the ultimate Authority like you say he shouldn’t, and he turned out to be the ultimate Evil! I’m sorry, the title of your book turns the argument on its head.

Zimbardo: Oh, no no no no no no!

Stephen: Oh, yes yes yes yes yes yes.

Zimbardo: No … Lucifer is God’s favorite angel, right?

Stephen: [faux disdainfully] Until he disobeys, go ahead.

Zimbardo: But why does he disobey? Because God says, I have created this perfect creature, Adam, and everybody has to obey him. And Lucifer says, wait a minute, he’s a mortal, mortals are corruptible. We’re angels; I refuse. And that’s disobedience to authority. So the reason Lucifer — as the Devil — seduced Adam, is to say, God, I’m right, and you’re wrong. This guy is corruptible; he’s not somebody we should respect. He is just an ordinary mortal.

Stephen: But in that case, Lucifer was right.

Zimbardo: Lucifer was right, and God was wrong.

Stephen: [laughing, backing away] Okay, okay!

Zimbardo: If God was into reconciliation, He would say, I made a mistake, okay? God created Hell. Paradoxically, it was *God* who created Hell as a place to put Lucifer and the fallen angels. And had He not created Hell, then evil would not exist, so you would not ...

Stephen: No, evil exists because of the disobedience of Satan. God gave Satan, the angels, and man, free will. Satan used his free will, and abused it by not obeying authority. Hell was created by Satan’s disobedience to God and his purposeful removal from God’s love. Which is what Hell is: removing yourself from God’s love. You send yourself to Hell, God does not send you there.

Zimbardo: Obviously, you learned well in Sunday School.

Stephen: I teach Sunday School, mother@%#&er!!!

[Still laughing] Dr. Zimbardo, thank you so much for joining us. The book is, The Lucifer Effect. We’ll be right back!

2008-05-03T23:18:00.003-06:00

I recently was talking with a friend on the phone about her husband's latest antics. She told me that she woke up one day to find the milk jug sitting on the counter and sighed: her husband had obviously forgotten to put the milk back when he had a late night snack, causing it to spoil. As she angrily pointed out that he had wasted their milk, he was quick to defend himself by saying that the milk was not in the refrigerator because, when he had gone to get it, he had discovered it was already sour, and he planned to pour it out later.

Shortly afterwards, my friend thought that this might be an opportunity to do some baking of muffins with the sour milk, so she asked her husband where it was: after their earlier discussion, he had promptly poured it out. Once again, my friend was unimpressed with her spouse, until I pointed out the confusion he must be feeling:

"Way to go! This milk is ruined now ... what do you mean you threw it away?!? It was still good!"

No wonder men hate women ...

2008-05-03T23:05:00.006-06:00

Better late than never, here is Pastor Bruce's 2007 Remembrance Day sermon. I was the reader on this Sunday when he preached the same sermon at Redeemer Lutheran Church in Saskatoon.

I hope that you find it as meaningful as I did.

2008-05-03T22:53:00.004-06:00

My dad recently had a heart valve replacement and triple bypass. The day after his surgery, while he was still in Intensive Care, this song ("Damaged", by Danity Kane - which I had never heard before!) came on the radio as I was driving to the hospital:

CRUEL FATE, WHY DO YOU MOCK ME?!?!?!?

PS: My dad is doing great. In his case, "how ya' gonna fix it" was with a pig valve and a vein from his leg.

2008-04-26T23:20:00.004-06:00

Do kids today even get what Bart is doing in this picture?

When I was a kid, writing lines on the chalkboard or foolscap was a pretty common consequence - at least at my school. The worse the offense, the more numerous the lines to be written.

I once has to write a few pages worth of, "I will not stand up on the school bus", but I still maintain that I was totally justified. Norma Oxebin took my Muppet Show lunchbox and wouldn't give it back. Anyone in my position would have done the same thing: stand up on my seat, which was coincidentally right behind the driver. A sneak attack from above would have been totally unsuspected, and would have worked, too, if Mr. Heinz had just been cool and hadn't shouted for me to sit down.

My most memorable instance of someone else writing lines was in grade six, when one of my classmates was talking while the teacher was out of the classroom. She assigned him fifty lines, and at first, we all scoffed. Fifty? Are you new here? She started to write them out on the board for him ... and his "lines" turned out to be a paragraph that took up an entire chalkboard.

However, I think my teachers were on the right track. If this isn't still being used in schools it should be, because it works. When I had my first job, I kept making a mistake in how I wrote up the hot dog orders. I assigned myself to write out the correct way 100 times and never forgot for the rest of the summer.

Not to mention: I never stood up on the school bus again.

2008-04-10T21:11:00.007-06:00

I recently discovered a site called Dear-God.net, which is a prayer posting site that has no affiliation with any church or religion. It is a global project for people around the world to share their innermost hopes - and fears - through prayer. In my opinion, the most amazing thing about this site is the photography that compliments each prayer. Some examples are below:

2008-04-07T23:31:00.002-06:00

Mourners can 'pay' last respects from home
Jack Knox, Victoria Times-Colonist
Published: Monday, April 07, 2008

Pay-per-view funerals will be offered live online in Britain as of Tuesday, allowing mourners who cannot attend services in person to watch via the Internet.

Friends and family will be given a password to access the webcasts, which will cost £75. Despite criticism of the scheme as macabre, the company that launched the service plans to offer it to crematoria across the country.

Big deal. We've already got pay-per-view funerals right here in B.C. They charged $12.95 for one Thursday night: The Canucks-Oilers game.

By the time it was done, Vancouver's playoff chances were deader than Eliot Spitzer's political career. More stiffs on ice than the city morgue. Knew it was a bad sign when they dropped the pre-game O Canada in favour of Chopin's funeral march.

Don't think that's what the Brits have in mind, though. No, they want to show real funerals, the ones with the hard pews, itchy suits, muffled sobs and the kindly priest smiling down at the mortified man on display at the front (just like a wedding, only without the confetti or the Chicken Dance).

The Crem Cam, as it has been dubbed, will allow mourners to pay (and they do mean pay) their last respects from the comfort of their own homes. "The service is designed very much with the distant relative or ill friend in mind," Trevor Mathieson, the manager of a Southampton crematorium, was quoted as saying. Sure, Trevor, nothing perks up an ill friend like the sight of ol' Walter boxed up for shipment to the great hereafter.

The online action isn't the only funereal fish in the revenue stream. For those who miss the live (as it were) webcast, a DVD can be purchased for £50, an audio recording for £25. Just the thing for a birthday or stocking stuffer.

The thing is, you start charging money for something, people expect a bit of a show. Paying to watch a funeral where nothing exciting happens would be like, well, paying to watch the Canucks.

People want some bang for their buck: Copious weeping, inappropriate eulogies, fainting. Fistfights, perhaps, or a mischievous pallbearer faking a "whoopsy-daisy, lost my grip" moment.

As a boy, my dad once saw a coffin fly off an open wagon when the horses spooked and bolted, right in the heart of Kamloops. It shot off the back like a torpedo launched from U-135.

When casket hit concrete, the body bounced straight up as though someone had thrown a toaster in the tub. The corpse appeared to be auditioning for Cirque du Soleil. Pandemonium ensued.

I'd pay good money to see that.

Could one of your Crem Cam events top that? Doubt it. Doesn't mean they wouldn't try, though, the guy at the microphone doing his best Don Cherry/Don-Rickles-At-The-Dean-Martin-Roast shtick, pulling out all the stops for the audience. ("Make yourself at home, Frank: Hit somebody.") This is why Canadian authorities refuse to have cameras in our courtrooms, fearing lawyers will preen for the public, turning the legal process into a circus act. (Think not? Did you see the O.J. Simpson trial?)

Bet the web cameras would open up other marketing opportunities, too: Product placement, with mourners nonchalantly slipping on Nike ball caps or "just happening" to sip from a can of Coke at the lectern. Corporate logos around the boards, just like at the rink. Advertising on the outside of the coffin. Advertising on the inside of the coffin.

Or perhaps I'm wrong. Apparently pay-per-view funerals are already available in several countries, including Canada, with none of my fears being realized. Still leery of this webcam stuff, though.

I'm not ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille.

Knox is a columnist with the Victoria Times-Colonist.

© The StarPhoenix (Saskatoon) 2008

2008-02-29T22:03:00.002-06:00

I heard on the radio the other day that Shamrock Shakes are back at McDonald's. I am so excited, because it was my childhood St. Patrick's Day tradition to have a Shamrock Shake each spring. I haven't had one since my trip to Vancouver in March of 1995!

Remember these ads?

2008-02-26T18:15:00.009-06:00

Why does Jack Nicholson always get to sit in the front row at the Oscars? He wasn't even nominated for anything this year!!!

he has been nominated for an Academy Award 12 times (eight for Best Actor and four for Best Supporting Actor)
and has won three times (twice for Best Actor (One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest and As Good as It Gets) and once as Best Supporting Actor (Terms of Endearment)
he is tied with Walter Brennan for most acting wins by a male actor (three)
and second to Katharine Hepburn for most acting wins overall (four)
he is also one of only three actors nominated for an Academy Award for acting (either lead or supporting) in every decade since the 1960s (the others are Michael Caine and Paul Newman)
he presented the Academy Award for Best Picture in 1972, 1977, 1978, 1990, 1993, 2006 and 2007
every time he has won an Oscar, the lead actress of that same film has also won an Oscar
he is the only actor to have twice won Best Actor awards for films in which the lead actress won the Best Actress award

2008-02-20T21:44:00.003-06:00

Is it just me, or is this a weird sign to have at a pita place?

Was "Taste and See Our Food is Good!" taken?

2008-01-02T21:09:00.000-06:00

If you are tired of that same ol' dashboard Jesus, you can pick one up here who is doing everything from bullriding to rock climbing. The site owner created these unconventional images of Jesus to remind people that he is always with them.

I think this quote from Ship of Fools says it best:

"Riding into town on a donkey was all very well in the days of sandals and wearing tea towels on your head. But today the Messiah who wants to make an impression needs something a bit more. Like a chopper."

2007-12-29T12:23:00.000-06:00

My friend Natasha was recently trying to check my blog, and missed a letter. She came across "Karen Cares" and the bizzarro version of me, right down to the woman's appearance!
Pretty freaky ...

2007-12-29T12:20:00.000-06:00

2007-12-29T11:26:00.001-06:00

"Do They Know It's Christmas?" was recorded by Band-Aid on November 25, 1984, and sold over 3 million copies, making it the best selling single in UK history until "Candle in the Wind '97". It raised £8 million for the famine in Ethiopia.

Despite all of this, I think that "Do They Know It's Christmas?" is the most arrogant, self-centred song I have ever heard, if for nothing else but for this one line:

Well, tonight thank God it's them instead of you!

What a lovely sentiment ...

I don't question that their hearts were in the right place, and that the proceeds of that song did a lot of good. It also led to other projects and the birth of the idea that celebrities can use their talents for charity. However, you can tell it was written before the era of political correctness. It reminds me of my grandma saying to me in the summer of 1994:

"I feel sorry for those poor people in Wanda!"
"I think it's pronouced Rwanda, Grandma".
"Oh, well ... whatever."

I currently have a client from Africa. I asked her to listen to "Do They Know It's Christmas?" and let me know what she thinks. She had never heard it before, and sat there shaking her head:

In some places in Africa, it does snow.
Things do grow in Africa.
The only water flowing is not "the bitter sting of tears". In fact, she told me that she often went fishing when she lived in Africa, but "our lakes are not like yours - the water is clean in ours".
She always knew when it was Christmas.

2007-12-29T11:15:00.000-06:00

Some Christmas cartoons from ReverendFun.com ...

2007-12-29T09:52:00.000-06:00

Is it just me, or are there too many questions at fast food restaurants lately? Everything is itemized down to the tiniest detail. I suppose that the goal of this is to make ordering "idiot proof", but, in my opinion, removing any opportunity for cashiers to think is making a whole new generation of super idiots.

I went to Tim Horton's recently, and foolishly told the person behind the counter, "I would like a large ham and swiss sandwich on brown with no mayo". That was apparently too much information too quickly, because he looked totally flustered, and began to ask me:

"What kind of sandwich?"
"What size?"
"White or brown?"
"Toasted or untoasted?"
"Lettuce?"
"Tomatoe?"
"Do you want a combo?"

If I wanted any of those things, I would have said so. He was actually cutting me off as I tried to tell him my order in an effort to follow the computer prompts.

"Hey, buddy - I'm asking the questions here!"

There was no question for whether I wanted "mayo", so even though I'd told him multiple times, when I got home, I found that my sandwich had mayo on it. I was pretty disgruntled, but I received no sympathy. My best friend told me that my failure to co-operate was what had caused the problem.

The next time I went to Tim Horton's, I answered all the questions as they were asked to me ... but the same thing happened again. I went back later that day and asked the cashier how I could serve them better in order to get food I actually wanted to eat, but even they didn't have an answer for me.

One question that they neglected to ask me was, "Are you familiar with our new 'Hide and Seek' system of distributing the food?". They have apparently abandoned the tried and true system of me ordering my food, receiving it and taking my seat, in order to serve me more efficiently. I order my food, I pay for it and I pick it up at various different stations ... but they didn't tell me that, so I just stood there for awhile while everyone ignored me.

I am fine with all of my food coming to another area so that people can continue to order, but at Tim Horton's, it pops up all over the place, and then just sits there up for grabs. When I started catching on to that, I tried to ask questions like, "Is this mine?" and "Where is my hot chocolate? Is that it down there?", but no one responded.

I have resolved that I am no longer going to order at Tim Horton's. I am just going to stand around the pick-up station and see what shows up that looks interesting. I think I'll have a better chance to get something I'll actually like, not to mention that it will be much faster and cheaper.

2007-12-29T09:42:00.000-06:00

Melodie appeared in "Life of Ronnie" today as Ronnie's bratty sister, Odie! "Odie" is apparently Melodie's nickname, because she doesn't like "Mel". I also met her parents over Christmas, who really do look like their characters.